Dick in a Box – I Mean Poop in a Cup

OK, so we all know that I was out of the country, and we also know that I got sick. In fact, I’m still sick – two weeks later. So, after going to the doctor I was informed that I was to give a stool sample. What a joy. I finished this process earlier today – much to the dismay of not getting any pictures – and I will tell you all about it.

First you will put a “hat” in your toilet. This is a plastic tub that sits in your toilet that you get to poop in. So you sit down and poop into the tub.

Now, let me just say that modern plumbing was founded upon the fact that shit smells. Look it up, seriously. So, you have a poop-filled plastic tub which you now have to remove and set aside so you can wipe your ass.

At this point the stench starts to become unbearable. Remember that these aren’t normal dueces; you’re sick so these are special. At this point you get open your first (of three) vials and luckily you’re greeted with a surprise. The screw on top has an attached spoon to assist with your scooping.

It’s like you have a Baskin-Robbins sample spoon going to town on a tube of chocolate-chip cookie dough.

A couple little pieces into each vial and you’re half way there. You then open the large cup and make your deposit into that one (significantly larger). At this point you close all of your cups and seal them in your biohazard-marked baggie.

This is where the crying starts. You feel so dirty after what just happened you just start washing stuff. The sink, the floors, your hands, over and over again. But it doesn’t leave, you know that you haven’t gotten all the poo from your bathroom.

*sigh*

So in a few days I’ll find out if I have parasites.

Add comment July 6, 2009

Punta Cana – 02

This picture was taken near dusk looking directly into the sun.

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Add comment June 30, 2009

Vacation Pics – 01

As some of you know, I was recently in the Dominican Republic for a week. Everything went great aside from the diahrea. Anyways, over the next few days I’ll be releasing some pictures of my vacation, hope you enjoy.

The first picture is the the beach. I’m a sucker for panoramic pictures. Click it for full size.

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Add comment June 27, 2009

What a Great Caddy

I think it’s a little lower on the left. Oh, and the putt looks a little left to right.

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Add comment June 15, 2009

Rugged

Nothing says tough like taking your extended cab, eight-cylinder, off-roading, 4×4 truck with a Roscoe strapped to the back.

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Add comment June 14, 2009

FORTY-EIGHT!!!

Jimmy!!! GO FORTY-EIGHT.

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Add comment June 13, 2009

I’m Only Going Down the Road

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Add comment June 12, 2009

GMC Owners Love Their Trucks

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Add comment June 9, 2009

What Happens When…

sexy time meets hungry time?

IMG00119-smallFigure 1: Day three of love nibble

5 comments May 31, 2009

Orlando Magic Fans

Now officially the ugliest group of people ever.

IMG00115-smallI don’t care if my team just went up 3-1 in the conference finals or not. If I was that ugly, I would never be that happy.

Add comment May 30, 2009

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