Don’t Fuck with These Guys

Honestly, I had no idea that so many people personally knew Chuck Liddell, ya, the Iceman, the UFC guy. So, here’s what happened. I’m at work Saturday night, with ol’ lady, and when we get off of work, we usually go to BW3 for a little wing action, but mostly to get college football highlights. Knowing that Michigan had beaten Penn State, a trip this day was a certainty.

Turns out that there’s a UFC event on, and we stumble right into the last two fights. I’m kind of bummed because all the TVs are showing UFC and all I want to do is watch highlights of the Alabama-Georgia game. So the first fight was rather tame, some ooo’s, and aaah’s, but little else. When Chuck comes on though, it’s quickly apparent that he’s not only from Sylvania, but he’s buying dinner for all his closest friends and relatives at this BW3’s tonight. Being a close friend to someone like Chuck Liddell, you also are automatically a badass. It was so weird that all of these people know so much more about fighting than the guys actually fighting.

Note: Hereafter I will refer to Mr. Liddell as Chuck, as being in the bar I felt that I was on a first-name basis with him like everyone else. So the first guy pictured below is so close to Chuck, that if Chuck loses he’ll throw himself off the nearest tall building.

This assbag below in the Michigan “jersey” (I say “jersey” cause it was faded top to bottom blue to yellow like a fucking fairy dress that probably makes Bo roll in his grave) was easily the best fighter in the bar. Aside from constantly giving Chuck advise on how to fight; basically take the following words/phrases: fuck, Chuck, punch, come on, God damnit, throw, bitch, I’ll kill myself, lose, fight. Throw them into a bad, and pull out two, and there’s something that came outta this guy’s mouth every 5 seconds.

Oh yea, and then, “Fucking hit him Chuck..what the hell are you doing you fucking faggot? CHUCK!!!!!!!”

He calls Chuck faggot, Chuck calls him dingle berry, it’s kind of a thing they have.

Review – The Contract (2006)

John Cusack – Ray Keene
Morgan Freeman – Frank Cardin

When the likes of two great actors such as John Cusack and Morgan Freeman get together, the movie is certainly going to be spectacular. Except in the case of The Contract. This film is so full of movie stereotypes, it could have been made by robot.

Let’s get the plot overview over with. The movie starts off with Ray finding out that his son smokes pot. We soon after learn that Ray’s wife has died, and since, he has grown distant with his son. So, per every movie where the mother dies, Ray’s son lashes out at him, doesn’t think he listens to him, and well…you’ve seen the movie before.

To try and patch things up, Ray decides to go camping with his son. They soon find themselves in the middle of a deadly cat and mouse game. You see, Frank is the leader of group of highly trained hitmen. The Contract refers to a hit they have in this city. Things turn bad for Frank when he’s the victim of a possible drunk driver. He ends up in the hospital, where they soon realize he’s a wanted criminal.

While transferring Frank, his men ambush the car and try to free him. The car ends up rolling down a hillside, long story short Ray and his son find Frank, just as a dying police officer tells him not to let him escape.

So the story rolls on with Ray and his son pushing Frank through the forest trying to reach help, all the while ex-special forces are trying to find them.

This story is so disappointing and predictable. Of course Ray’s son just had a school adventure shindig out here, so his son knows all the terrain. The story really takes a turn for the worse when they find two other campers. As their walking, they stumble upon a couple. They tell the couple that men are coming and they’ll die if they don’t go with them. So the couple goes with them. The man, an obnoxious, unattractive buffoon; the woman, a golden-locked beauty, reeking of class. So, surprise surprise, the dude dies.

Skipping to the end of the movie, the woman has only seen Ray once; which happens to be the same day that her boyfriend is shot. He invites her to a BBQ, and she wants to hook up. What the fuck?

So, per typical action movie, a seemingly normal guy takes on a whole troupe of ex-special forces bad-guys (he also shoots down a helicopter).

Katy says that if she went to see the movie in the theaters, she wouldn’t be pissed; I would. Don’t bother with this movie, you’ve already seen it.

Overall: 4.5 / 10

Job Guarantees Before Profitability

Well, the strike is over, and thank God. Walking around with a sign taking breaks only to grab another beer was certainly taking a toll on the UAW.

This guy here is so happy because he can buy another boat. You see, he was sad before. He had a boat, but only a salt-water boat. When he built himself a lake in his backyard, he was extremely sad because he had to drive all the way down the street to the ocean to go boating.

Anyways, more importantly, this milestone agreement puts more than $50 billion into the hands of the UAW. This whole time, all GM wants to do is make some money-saving changes in order to, I don’t know, stop losing money. But…

…the union needed job guarantees for its members before it could agree to the cost savings sought by the company to return its operations to profitability. On Wednesday, he termed the job guarantees won by the union as “outstanding.”

But details of such guarantees, and whether they are in the form of promises to invest in U.S. plants and build new vehicles at domestic plants, or the type of income guarantees that were present in past contracts, were not immediately known.

Or whether they are promises of weekly cigars made of $100 bills to all its employees, we may never know.

These guarantees are ridiculous I think. In no way do I support things like layoffs, but sometimes shit happens, and a company needs to cut back. In the last two years, GM North America has lost nearly $13 BILLION. OK, so that’s a lot of money. At this point, you need to scale back a little. So, they cut 30,000 jobs. Now that’s a lot and it really sucks, and I might even feel a little sorry for all those people, but only because there were so many. But the fact is that GM had to pay every single one of those people up to $140,000.

That’s a lot of money, for a company who cannot make a profit, to spend trying to reverse the problem of not making any money.

Damnit Joe

Joe Haar’s idea of having a couple beers. One 30-pack of Busch Light later…

“This is horrible, but we’re die-hard union, so we have to…”

As you may have heard, UAW has started a nation-wide strike against the multi-headed, Hydra-like, mythical, blood-thirsty monster that is General Motors. From what I understand, the UAW wants to establish

“…a UAW-managed trust that will administer GM’s retiree health care obligations.”

um..huh? The UAW wants to control the money that GM pays the UAW for retirees’ health care? Sounds like a little conflict of interest to me. They also could not agree on:

“…fundamental issues related to job security, investment in U.S. plants, wages, active-employee benefits and job creation.”

Job security and investment in U.S. plants huh. Here seems to be the spiral of doom associated with unions now a days.

1. Realize that as a skill-less employee, you are very replaceable.
2. Start union, enabling collective bargaining (or a cock leash as I like to say).
3. Force company to pay high-school drop-outs competitive wages.
4. Watch company profits slow, eventually dropping
5. Realize that the cost-effective thing for the company to do at this point is to build a plant in Mexico where it can pay high-school drop-outs what a high-school drop-out should make.
6. Force company to not be able to build overseas, “or else.”
7. Another raise for ourselves? Why not.
8. Watch foreign products take over the market.
9. Blame consumers.
10. Take control of pension plans and retiree benefits, realizing that the company will soon go under.
11. Watch company go under, blame consumers again.
12. Blame Wal-Mart why were not taking personal responsibility.
13. Live comfortably in your pension checks while another American company is lost.

I just don’t get it. The UAW is the biggest group of organized crime in the world. They bully and use scare tactics to get whatever the want, whenever they want. With the treat of strike, a company will give into whatever they want. Not to unlike the threat of mob attacks will force a small business owner to pay for “protection.”

Once the union is in, it’s nearly impossible to get out (not unlike a mob). Some of these people realize that their jobs, while good now, will soon be gone.

“This is horrible, but we’re die-hard union, so we have to,” Ahrens said. “We got a mortgage, two car payments and tons of freaking bills.”

Ton of freaking bills means yacht payment and weekly caviar delivery. To be die-hard union is to be greedy and anti-American.

I actually read a story a while back about a Toyota plant somewhere in the south that was trying to organize a union. The problem was that many of the employees didn’t want one. They see what unions have done to the domestic industries and actually voted for NO UNION! Weird.

I don’t feel sorry for any of you.

One Great Birthday Present

that didn’t last long enough

My advise: take on the rocks (take it easy on the ice though, not too much or the aromatics will be hidden), with a splash of water

McNabb Doesn’t Disappoint First Week on “The List”

Hopefully you read the story on the charter member of the Cockflavored shitlist. Long story short, Donovan McNabb tactfully slammed my idol, Brett Favre. Tact or not, he’s earned his place.

No more than two days later though, McNabb confirms his place at the top of the list. Sure, the list is only one name long, but he’d be up there if there were more. Ah, the race card. The Get-Out-of-Jail free card for real life minorities. McNabb says on HBO to Bryant Gumbel (who I guess is black also).

There’s not that many African-American quarterbacks, so we have to do a little bit extra. Because the percentage of us playing this position, which people didn’t want us to play … is low, so we do a little extra.

I pass for 300 yards, our team wins by seven, [mimicking] ‘Ah, he could’ve made this throw, they would have scored if he did this…

He then is asked whether or not the media is tougher on him, more than quartebacks like Carson Palmer and Peyton Manning.

But they don’t get criticized as much as we do. They don’t.

We…as much as we do. If by ‘we’, you mean shitty quarterbacks then, yea, turns out that shitty quarterbacks get slammed more than dominating players such as Carson and Peyton. Right now Donovan, you’ve lost 7 of your last 8 games. That puts you at a 2-14 season, the worst in the league.

So let me get this straight, you have the highest recent LOSING percentage among active quarterbacks, including anyone who has started for the Raiders or the Lions, and you’re confident that the reason criticize you is because you’re black.

We’re really sorry Donovan. We know that you were too busy out picking cotton under the watchful eye of Boss Hog when you should have been practicing. From now on, we’ll take into consideration that the color of your skin has a great deal of reason why you have sucked so damn hard over the last couple of seasons.

Oh yea, almost forgot, at least you got your buddy Shaun King. He completely agrees with you. Another fine example of a great quarterback that just got taken down by the man. What? You have no idea who Shaun King is?

I guess McNabb is aspiring to be like King, who has a ring by chance of being on team with one of the better defenses of all time; and then promptly falls into obscurity. Personal, I could wish for nothing else.

Kid Nation – A Must Watch

…for people who hate chilren.

This television program premieres this Wednesday I think (9/19). The basis of the show, is that CBS is going to leave 40 children (ages 8-15) alone in some deserted mining town for the summer. Some call it a “social experiment”, some call it quality entertainment, and others call it “child endangerment.”

The funny thing is that the parents who wanted their child to be given the limelight for a few weeks were forced to sign a 22-page release form saying the network wasn’t responsible

…if the kids got injured, suffered emotional or physical ailments, contracted HIV, got pregnant or even died.

…according to The New York Times.

Ya know, does this show not sound a little familiar? Sounds like fucking every damn summer when I was a kid. You ask some kids to haul some firewood and water around or they don’t drink, and all of a sudden it’s a big deal. Sure, the kids “worked” for 14 hours a day. Remember the good ol’ days when you went out to play during the summer. You woke up, your parents said, “Get the fuck outta the house and don’t come back ’til dark.” Like you wanted to be home anyways.

We had a big ass fort, with workers and everything. I was in charge of protection. That meant making baller bows and arrows and spears and shit. It also meant booby trapping the place in case we got raided by the fort of people to the west, that we never found, but knew was there.

It became home. Like the real-world, bad shit happened. My buddy Ricky accidentally tripped a trap I set once and it cut his foot off. Was that a problem? Did his parents sue? It was certainly a different time then. Hell, Ricky didn’t even care, cause he did (you know, make sexy time) Mary once, knocked her up, and caught her HIV. You might ask where Mary caught the HIV from. Well, we all knew it was the assbags from the west.

Seriously though, have producers lost their minds? When was this ever a good idea?

“Ya know what we’ve done too much of Bob?”

“What’s that Frank?”

“People with rights.”

“What do you mean?”

“Why don’t we exploit people with fewer rights than actual adults.”

“Frank, you’re a genius, we’ll call it, ‘Big Retarded Brother.’”

“Bob, I was thinking children, although we’ll know what to follow it up with. Think of it, we’ll get children together, we’ll leave them alone the middle of the fucking desert. They don’t know how to cook, so we’ll make them cook. The older ones will bully the younger ones. Hell, girls have sex by 15 now a days don’t they? Better put a pregnant clause into the waiver. Jeez, why don’t we put one HIV-infected child in there too, just to make things interesting.”

“Better put the HIV thing in the waiver too.”

“God bless release forms, bwuahahah.”

“Hey, what do you say we go down to cafeteria and have some stem-cell omlettes?”

“Meet you down there in 20, I have a dead stripper in my office I need to take care of.”

Donovan McNabb the charter member of the CockFlavored Shitlist

Donovan, you think you can come into my house, kick my dog, and take a box of ballpoints?!?!? Your ass must be crazy. There’s a few things you just don’t do in life. Don’t fuck another man’s wife (girlfriends are OK, although fiances are blurry). Don’t abandon your team, even in low times. Don’t kick a guys’ dog (as prefaced above). Don’t steal another man’s hard earned property. Lastly, don’t diss Brett Favre. The last one may be the most important to me, as I’m still trying to prove that Favre is my father.

Asked the biggest difference between himself and Favre, McNabb said:

“I guess interceptions. Some throws you just don’t make, some throws you do.”

Who the hell does he think he is? First of all, Favre hasn’t ever missed a game. Ever, not once in his illustrious career. McNabb, well he’s injured so much, they gave his locker to that big ass gay-bird they call a mascot. Maybe the difference you should have said, Donovan, was that your ring finger feels a little lighter than his.

So…

I had to just trim the pubes. Before I hear anything about it though, hear this. My pubes have characteristics similar to stem cells. So, they are carefully collected, then sent to various universities for research.

Just doing my part.