We talking ’bout videotaping, not industrial espionage, not espionage, videotaping…

Holy shit NFL, what the fuck is up your ass. Bill Belichick is fined half a MILLION dollars for having someone videotape the defensive coordinator. Not only that, but the Pats are at least losing a draft pick, the first round if they make the playoffs, and both second and third if they don’t (ha, yea right).

Now the rule is clear:

“no video recording devices of any kind are permitted to be in use in the coaches’ booth, on the field, or in the locker room during the game.” That was re-emphasized in a memo sent Sept. 6 to NFL head coaches and general managers in which the league said: “Videotaping of any type, including but not limited to taping of an opponent’s offensive or defensive signals, is prohibited on the sidelines, in the coaches’ booth, in the locker room, or at any other locations accessible to club staff members during the game.”

New NFL Sheriff, Roger Goodell says of the infraction:

“This episode represents a calculated and deliberate attempt to avoid longstanding rules designed to encourage fair play and promote honest competition on the playing field,”

OK OK, what I don’t get is this. Anyone can look at the defensive coordinator. He’s not locked up in a room covered in aluminum foil. He’s just a guy waving his arms on the sidelines. Not that I’m pro-cheating, but what is stopping a guy from just watching him, and taking notes? Sure, you don’t get rewind, but take some decent notes, coupled with what play is ran, and there you go. I don’t see why the extra step of videotaping it makes it so fucking bad. Not only that, but the teams that the Pats have demolished (only because of this blatant cheating I’m sure) are so pissed of…like Eagles’ Reno Mahe:

“I think they should forfeit, man,” said Reno Mahe, whose Philadelphia Eagles lost the 2005 Super Bowl to the Patriots. “We won the Super Bowl. I think we should get it. I’m going to go trade my NFC championship ring for a Super Bowl ring.”

Stil sore Reno? Listen dude, maybe instead of spending some time bitching and moaning, you should work on being a decent player. Maybe then you won’t be wondering if you have a job come late August. Yea dude, you have a job now, thank the Green Bay Packers’ special teams for that. You see, Reno was cut by the Eagles before the start of this season, but then after horrible special team play (remember two different guys fumbled punts, the last one leading to the game-winning field goal).

I can’t believe I’m going to say this…*sigh*, look at Peyton Manning. The guy switches up his signals every week. Think the Pats are trying to steal his shit? Don’t think so, it won’t work, “Omaha, Cupcake, hut hut.” Seriously, quit blaming other people for your fuck-ups, take some god damned responsibility.

Mangini, I thought you were better than that.

It should be noted that although the author is a Lions fan, not a Patriot fan, he does love to watch Tom Brady run onto the field, hair a-flowin’ in the wind.

Ha, No Wonder Monkeys Throw Shit at Us

I have just found out that we as humans, rock the big cock more than any other primate. Not only are our wangs bigger proportionately, but they are bigger lengthwise, and in girth in absolute terms.

As I’m told, the correct way to measure is to first of course get yourself a raging full wood, then hold the penis parallel the floor. Well, actually, if I am at a hard-on state well enough to measure, I’m not sure I can point to the floor. Either way, do the best you can. Then, measure from the TOP of the base of the penis to the tip.

To everyone who measures from the bottom, the claims 8″, well you know damn well who you are. Yea, maybe measured from your asshole, jackass.

Well how Big?

I got a few more minutes before class, might as well dive into this shit. Anyways, turns out two medical experiments turned out average sizes of 5.1 and 5.3″. Coincidentally enough, an online survey done by SizeSurvey.com found an average size of 6.4″. Seriously guys?

An actual semi-medical survey done during Spring Break at Cancun by Lifestyles condoms found average sizes 5.9″. What does this mean? Well, it means that herpes can tend to cause a 1/2″ increase in frat boys’ penises.

Unfortunately for women, studies have also found that gay men typically have larger penises than their heterosexual counterparts…and they’re totally into fashion too, fuck!

Sixx:A.M. – Heroin Diaries Review (LONG)

Sixx:A.M. is a new band built around former Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx. Sixx wrote a book titled “The Heroin Diaries” (Amazon Link), and the album is actually a soundtrack which tightly follows the memoirs, with each track coinciding with a chapter from the book. Aside from Nikki, the lead singing and rhythm guitarist duties are handled by multi-platinum producer James Michael. Working with such artists as Motley Crue, Saliva, The Exies and the Scorpions, it is no surprise that the album is produced and mixed very well. The band also has a great musician in DJ Ashba. I personally had never heard of this guy before, but his first solo album, an instrumental ASHBA: Addiction to Friction earned 6 Best Guitar Player awards.

After listening to this, the first thing I did was go online and find out where I can see these guys play. Here was a response I found from Nikki himself:

We just formed the band. We didn’t plan on that. We didn’t plan on being on the radio, and at this point we’re really not planning on touring. I know we are planning on playing some television shows and maybe doing some intimate small stuff. There seems to be a lot of desire. It would have to be something quite spectacular. The idea of going out and playing clubs isn’t that exciting. It has to be more than that. There is more out there. With all these multi-media platforms and portals to creative stuff, it is very exciting. Opportunity, I’m sure will arise, and we’ll make a decision then.

So, apparently the band has no plans of touring at this point, which is a real shame. Check out the first single, Life is Beautiful:

Overall, as an album its very average, average not good. As a soundtrack, the lyrics become so much more powerful, pushing this album into the “good” level. The songs become moving and more meaningful. James Michael’s voice might not have the vocal range of some, but not to overuse the word, but it’s powerful. “Life is Beautiful” is clearly the best track, with all the essentials of a great song. I haven’t heard much radio play of this song which is a real shame.

The rest of the album really bounces all over the place, fitting many different sounds to the many different chapters of the book. On one hand, this is a good thing, it keeps the listener off-balance, not knowing what to expect. On the other hand, some of these different sounds come off cheesy or done. “Pray For Me” sounds like it comes off the latest Killers release, with your typical staccato chords over super-monotone vocals. The ballads on the album are many, and similar.

You must realize that this is not an album which tries to please the many. This is a brutally honest, exposing self-portrait painted by a man who almost died. Because of this, the songs may be bland in some sense, but retain their ability to move, as in “Tomorrow.” This, while not the best song, still moves the listener as Sixx describes how his past is catching up to him, how his bridges have been burned.

“Dead Man’s Ballet” got bad reviews as a song, some comparing it to Meatloaf (who I think James produced). However, I really dig this song. This is one of the few songs on the album that ebbs and flows. It builds nicely into the chorus, then transitions well out of it. Oh well, say what you will, I liked the song.

So, overall, this is definitely not the best song of the last year, but it’s worth a listen. I have heard that the book is outstanding, and together I bet they complement each other very nicely.

Overall 6.5 / 10

Baller Rides

Here’s a killer ride I seen leaving the K-Roj the other day. Decided I would block traffic until I got the shot. By far the sweetest 12″ rims I’ve ever seen.

It’s like Deer Hunting…

OK, seriously, I didn’t want to go here. I of course speak of the Michael Vick saga. I’m not going to be pro-anything, but I will be very anti-stupidity. Why the fuck are people going around saying that dog fighting is like hunting deer? Anyone?

Stephon Marbury:

“I think it’s tough,” the New York Knicks guard told an Albany (N.Y.) TV station. “I think, you know, we don’t say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals. You know, from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It’s just behind closed doors.”

R.L White – NAACP Atlanta Chapter President

White says that he doesn’t understand the uproar over dogfighting, when hunting deer and other animals is perfectly acceptable

Then there’s the king of saying dumb shit, Terrell Owens:

“When I mentioned cultural thing, [it's] just like when people go out and they hunt deer,” he said. “They hunt deer and they cut their heads off and they go to mount them on the wall. And they are animals as well. I don’t see a big difference in the situation.

O, Clinon Portis

“I don’t know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it’s his property, it’s his dog,” Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis told WAVY-TV in Virginia. “If that’s what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business.”

When told that dog fighting is a felony, Portis replied, “It can’t be too bad of a crime.”

If it were all overpaid dumbasses with no skewed view of reality and the law, it would be one thing, but for the president of an organization like the NAACP to come out and say such a bonehead thing is ludicrous The problem is that people hunt animals for many reasons. The first reason is food. Turns out people eat deer, and unless your Chinese (I’m looking at you Tiger Woods and Hines Ward), you’re not eating dog. People go out, grab a couple of deer and it feeds their family through the winter.  Guess what people did to stay alive thousands of years ago?

Secondly, there is a rather large difference between hunting with a gun, and forcing a dogs head into a pool until it drowns.

Also, we forget that the state actually encourages hunting of game. Hunting keeps the ecosystem in check, and without it, deer would run out of food for themselves after they eat all of the trees. The deer will have to start working for a living in order to support their family. Knowing deer, they will work for cheap as shit. Then where will the mexicans go? I tell you where they go, they go to Canada (open border, Mexico is too long to go south). This pisses the French-Canadians off. They start stockpiling WMDs and bam, we have another war on our hands. Is this what you want NAACP?

Seriously though, just shut your mouths, I don’t pay $40 a game to hear you say, “felony?? Is that bad?”

The Heavy Chin Feeling Right Before You Throw Up

I was at the Michigan-Oregon game last Saturday. The title of the post says it all. Watching the game was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever done. I sat there next to 100,000 other people who all thought the same thing. We were embarrassed to be the people that other people seen on TV at the game. We were embarrassed at each other. I looked at the people around me and could only look down on disgust at these people who looked upon the Maize and Blue with hope; they too looked at me.

The problems with the Michigan team are plentiful. I won’t even start hating on Lloyd Carr either, there is enough of that around already. I will instead focus on the team. The offense looked better than the 7 points they put up. They consistently drove the ball, only to stumble when it counted. I remember at half time looking at the scoreboard, Michigan 7 – Oregon 32. That wasn’t the most striking thing though, also below the score was: Michigan ~200yds – Oregon ~300yds. I’m not sure of the exact numbers, but I do know that we were very close in the total offensive yard category. The problem was that we couldn’t finish when it counted.

Mike Hart looked solid again, just as he did for the other Heavy Chin moment a week prior. The main problem I thought with the offense was inconsistent play-calling. The offense would ride the legs of Mike Hart down the field. Finally, the Duck defense would stop him on first down, leaving a second and short. EVERYTIME, they pass on second and third down. Chad Henne’s inconsistency often led to an incomplete pass on second down, leaving a must-pass situation on third.

Why did the team abandon the run?

Defense…ya know that thing that wins championships. I don’t even fucking know where to start. The line couldn’t pressure Dennis Dixon who looked like he was playing a video game all day long. The linebackers couldn’t tackle a marginal running back, nor could they play zone coverage. The defensive backs might not even have been playing. The Michigan secondary might have been the worst coverage I have ever seen. Dixon threw for three touchdowns of 46, 61, and 85 yds. Are you serious?? You could see the secondary break down moments after the snap.

So what’s in store for the Wolverines? Well next week they take on the Fighting Irish. I think ABC might show the UT vs Kansas game instead. Two of the most storied programs in college football, are now the laughing stock of the AP. Both of these teams are winless, and have lost the edge at home. Ya know, I’m just not sure what else to say about this season. Between Michigan getting humiliated two weeks in a row, and the Rockets in national news for all the wrong reasons, I guess my tailgating this season will be less excitement and more a matter of drowning away my sorrows.