Drinking and [insert activity]

I’m driving home the other day and I pass this guy riding on his motorcycle really slow. Yes, biker chick was included. So, at the red light, he pulls in behind me. I see him reach in his black leather biker jacket and pull out a can and take a swig.

I think to myself, “That’s a good idea, ya know with no cup holders and all.” Then I see him reach back in, pound that can throw it to the ground, and he grabs another. As I see him pound the second, I look closer and realize that it’s a can of Natty Light. Yes, this guy riding a motorcycle is drinking at stop lights.

Now I’m not here to judge, but this did get me thinking of funny things that I’ve personally or seen people do while drinking or holding a beer.

1. Showering – Joe bruised himself slipping in the shower. He was reaching for his beer.

2. Defication – I think we’ve all been here.

3. I remember one time i ate dog food out of a dog bowl with beer in hand and in my stomach. I proceeded to vomit on my friends dog. Apparently I was wearing only boxers.  – OE

4. Jumping off the balcony and injuring my foot. -BigCup0Joe

5. Stole a couch section from a scholastic building – then had sex on it for 4 years

So who’s done stupid shit while drinking or with beer in hand?

Cockflavored Featured on Sober-X Website

Well, we made it to mainstream media, or a website that sells shit. The Corkflavored [sic] blog is now featured as a reviewer on the soberxpatch.com website. See below.

We are lucky enough to be featured with….Trader Magazine….and some chick from the NY Post. What the fuck does trader magazine do? Oh well [cue the Jefferson's music], we’re moving on up now.

What does this mean for the cockflavored crew? Well for one, it means we’ll have a larger audience for Josh to do his union bashing on. Joe’s wrist herpes (why such a popular page?) will get even more attention, and hopefully more people will get to see my balls.

Note to Cockflavored authors: Polo shirts are starting to get made

United States Wins Olympics!

OK, first let me say that the United States did indeed ‘win’ the Olympics. Yes, the Olympics are a great time where amatuer athletes come together and embrace in the…..fuck it, we won. How you ask? Here’s how.

One cannot simply compare gold medals or total medals. I’m not saying that badminton isn’t important, I don’t need to, you already know that. However, a trampolinist should not be awarded the same importance as a team sport such as baseball that necessitates an entire tournament. So, I came up with a point system.

Medal Points:
Bronze – 1pt
Silver – 2pt
Gold – 5pt

Yes, it’s weighted gold heavy and it should. To me, being the best in the world is worth more than a couple of jackasses that aren’t.

Multipliers:
1x – Reserved for Individual Events such as the 100m Butterfly or 50m Air Rifle Prone Position
2x – Reserved for team events with no tournament such as the 4×200m Freestyle Relay or Mens Team Archery. It is also used for individual events with a full tournament such as Boxing.
4x – The highest multiplier is used for large team events with full tournaments such as Basketball or Volleyball.

I also used 1.5 multiplier for events that I didn’t feel “deserved” the full 2x multiplier. An example is Womens Quadruple Sculls, Synchronized Diving, Team Table Tennis, or Swimming Individual Medleys.

Results are as expected. It was very close between the United States and China. China has a crapload of golds, but they are in a lot of 1x multiplier events. They swept the Table Tennis and Badminton events and dominated the diving.

However, the United States did win several of the 4x multiplier events, and at 20 points are substantial. The final results are:

China: 454 points
United States: 491 points

I do have the spreadsheet available if anyone wants, but the results are clear. Capitalism beats communism again.

Going through the events I was impressively disappointed by some of the events. I mean, there were 45 medals awarded in shooting; that’s 15 different events. 15 different shooting events, but baseball and softball didn’t make the 2012 cut. Likewise there are 16 differnet canoe/kayak events. Are you fucking serious? 11 different sailing events? I think we need to trim down some of these.

You Know What Grinds My Gears

Sorry the audio isn’t synched. Oh well, it’s kind of funny that way.

Sober-X: Great Company

OK, so the other day, I received this email:

I am a principal at Sober X and I just viewed your video. First, let me say that I appreciate your sacrifice in the name of truth, science and humanity. I also must say that I did not expect you to wake up – - but am damn glad you did. Had you tried that without wearing the patches – you would most certainly have been much worse off. It was probably not the most typical test of our product but one that I myself have performed on many occasions – all in the name of quality control of course. Sober X is one of those products that just gets better and better with each use – as your body adjusts and you better understand how best to use it for your own drinking style. I want to thank you for taking the time to conduct this honest and entertaining third party review. With your approval, I will extend a five dollar discount to your viewers (on orders over $20) so they can try it for themselves. All they need to do is go to the web site to order at www.soberxpatch.com and type in the coupon code “flavored”. And, as a token of thanks, I will be happy to send you some free patches for follow-up “testing”. Just email me back with your address. Best wishes to you and the crew at Cockflavored!…(trippy name by the way). Cheers, Chris

OK, seriously, what a great fucking company. I mean, I’m not 100% sure a principal does, but who the hell cares. You might call this pro-Sober-X post bought; but who the fuck cares, it’s a good product, and I’m getting some for free.

I have a wedding coming up that I’ll be surely wearing the patches. I’ll let you know how it goes.

It’s HERE!!

Finally…

football

it’s arrived.

I’m sitting here watching two teams that I could give two shits about, and it’s great. I can finally stop hearing about baseball. Jesus Christ that’s a 8 month shit fest. I mean, the teams have played more than 100 games over the last 4 months. Even though there is still another month left, there are only a handful of teams with a chance for the playoffs.

There is NOTHING I’d rather see than completely overpaid players half-assing an entire month of games because unless they’re in a contract year, there’s nothing to play for. But hey, I sure as hell can’t wait to sit through the playoffs. I mean, the NCAA basketball tournament goes through 65 teams in a month; MLB goes through 8 in the same time. Sure, let’s take a day off every game, cause getting my fat ass off the bench a few times during the night to watch the infield run once every two minutes is entirely too fucking tiring.
[/end baseball venting]

Anyways, to football and my father. I personally don’t really care that BF went to New York, but what I’m really interested in is the behind the scene shit that led to the fallout. Something was afoot.

On a lighter note, today embarks the greatest time of the year: football season. Without further ado, I will make my picks:

AFC East: Patriots
AFC North: Browns
AFC South: Colts
AFC West: Chargers
AFC Wildcards: Steelers, Jaguars

Steelers over Browns
Jaguars over Chargers
Patriots over Steelers
Colts over Jaguars
Whoever has home field wins

NFC East: Redskins
NFC North: Packers
NFC South: Saints
NFC West: Rams
NFC Wildcard: Vikings, Cowboys
Vikings over Saints
Cowboys over Rams
Vikings over Packers
Cowboys over Redskins
Cowboys over Vikings

AFC over Cowboys

NCAA:

Big Ten: Ohio State – Wisconsin’s not ready
Big 12: Oklahoma over Missouri – Oklahoma is way tough, the North Sucks
ACC: Clemson over Virginia Tech – Who gives a shit?
Big East: South Florida – Grothe FTW
PAC-10: USC – make it 40 in a row
SEC: Georgia over Auburn – I hope Georgia makes it through, West a little weak this year

Cockflavored Golf Shirts

That’s right…ever want to look nice, and show that you don’t give a shit at the same time? Order your very own Cockflavored golf shirt. I’m really looking at you OE, Buddy, Josh and of course Joe. The polo that we’re getting is a quick-dry polo with moisture management. I should be getting it from here. The price look like $28 and the logo going on the left breast is shown below. We are probably going with the safety orange color because I don’t have any orange shirts, and damnit, I want an orange shirt. It will also look good with the logo.

Anyways, if you guys want one, let me know and I’ll order you one.