Roomate [sic] Chronicles – Part IV

The last part we learned how easy it can be to misplace a shoe. On a side note, it may be rather insensitive and quite racist, but holy shit black people like their orange drink.

Now, it’s not all bad living with a piece of shit. You can learn a lot of things. I can gleefully say that I learned about freaking black and milds. You see, you freak a black and mild so

Man, so dat shit hits harder. Man, you can’t have that ignant ass cancer paper in dat shit.

So, you pull the cigar out of the plastic wrapping while you tap the tobacco out. When its all out, you twist the plastic tip off. Then remove that ignant ass filter paper on the inside. Now put the plastic tip back on and fill the cigar back up with the tobacco. Make sure to pack that shit in so it doesn’t burn too fast.

Now, if you’re a real baller, you put a flame to the plastic tip and stretch it out. To be honest, I’m sure what that does, but it does make you look like an asshat.

Anyways, it’s funny what a disgusting slob will or won’t notice. So after we threw away a single shoe, we decided that we would push the limit to see what else we could throw away.

So, playing on his inability to wear clean clothes, we figured that would be the starting point. You know that bar in your closest. You know the one that holds the hangers, that hold your clothes. Now, imagine that wooden bar gone. Yes, we threw away his ability to hang up clothes.

Man dog, I think something’s wrong with my closest thing. I think there’s supposed to be something here.

So, I’m thinking one way to keep this gelatinus sphere of headcheese away from the apartment is to ruin his sleep. So we broke his bed. Yet he still slept there. Then we threw his sheets away, and he slept on the mattress.

So we peed on it.