What Happens When…

sexy time meets hungry time?

Figure 1: Day three of love nibble

Orlando Magic Fans

Now officially the ugliest group of people ever.

I don’t care if my team just went up 3-1 in the conference finals or not. If I was that ugly, I would never be that happy.

Quote of the Day

Reggie Miller during the third quarter of Game 5 Eastern Conference Finals referencing Anderson Varejao flopping

Well I know one guy in the green room cause I’ve been there for the first four games that does not like the flopping of Anderson Varejao and that would be our Sir Charles Barkley. He thinks every play out there Varejao is flopping all over the place, and I was telling him you cant be mad at Anderson Varejao, that’s his game.

Some guys are great shooters some guys are great passers, Anderson Varejao game is getting under the skin of other opposing big men. If that’s his game is to flop and draw charges and to get guys techincal fouls, so be it.

Detroit Red Wings – Game 5 Western Conference Finals

So, I was able to go to Game 5 of the Western Conference Finals in Detroit as the Red Wings faced off against the Chicago Blackhawks. Hockey games are always fun, but they’re even better when your seats are better than nearly everyone elses’.

They were so good that we were pretty damn close to a couple of celebrities. Val Kilmer was 5 feet away from me, but by the time I noticed him (he was wearing lots of dark clothing), he was walking out (never returned, not even for OT by the way). However, I did get a picture of Mike Starr who IMHO played his best role in Dumb and Dumber as Joe “Mental” Mentalino.

This Guy: These guys gotta be professionals.

JP: How do you figure that?

Him Again: Gas Man? How the hell they know I got gas?

JP: They must have been following us for weeks.

Finally, a picture of Katy at the end of the game.

Restaurant Review – Tango’s Cantina

Tango’s Cantina in Toledo Ohio is located down on the Docks near restaurant superstars Navy Bistro and The Real Seafood Co. Tango’s Cantina is the Cousino’s relatively new entrance into the crowded mexican scene here in town.

Having said that, if you’re going to do mexican in this town, the same town that has seen mexican Presidente Fox, then you better bring it.

On a beautiful day, a co-worker wanted to head down to the docks and enjoy the day for lunch. Having both never been there, decided it would be a decent idea. The first thing we noticed is that while the restaurant was only sparsely occupied, the patio was completely full a few minutes after noon. We asked the hostess to be seated outside. Even though seats opened shortly after we sat, we were never moved.

There is one problem that I typically have: high-priced “gourmet” mexican food. Mexico is a poor country and the food is meant to be great fresh food with vibrant flavors. The ingredients, which typically include rice and beans are some of the cheapest things you can buy at the store. Having said that, expensive mexican typically makes me angry.

Either way, I decided on the chicken enchiladas ($8.95), something which would have cost $5 during lunch at El Camino. Now, there are three things that are CRUCIAL for a great mexican restaurant. Great salsa, great rice, and great beans. Those are the staples at any mexican dinner, and are absolute musts for a decent restaurant.

The salsa, while it has decent texture has WAY too much cumin, and not enough cilantro. Let’s take a look at the meal.

I have a serious problem with shredded-out-of-bag Colby-fucking-Jack cheese on beans. What part of Colby says mexican? The idea: throw a big ass clump of cheese on beans that would be otherwise unenjoyable. You will NEVER see this at an authentic mexican dinner.

The rice: bullshit I would expect any white-trash assclown to pull out of a rice-a-day box.

Holy shit it’s so no hard to make these things. Take pinto beans, cook them, blend them, season them, cut them with some stock or something. Rice: brown it, sautee some veggies, add water, some tomatos and reduce heat and cover. Done. Great shit.

The enchilada was huge and covered with cheese. Wait a second, why is there lettuce inside? Why would you put lettuce inside of an echilada? Either way, the enhilada was “decent” but forgetable.

Why do I go any place other than El Camino? I walk out with a $12 LUNCH bill, andcompletely unfulfilled. Tangos is a largely overpriced, quite mediocre mexican-american restaurant. I would give it a

C-

You Want a Side of…

cock with that drink?

If any guys are intereste I’ll give you his number.

How to Market or Advertise

Swine Flu is getting out of hand.

Let’s Waste More Taxpayer Dollars on Sports

Are you fucking kidding me? We’re doing it again? It started with Arlen Specter (all-American fag by the way) wasting tax-payer dollars on the possibility of the New England Patriots stealing defensive signals.

We then take it one step further. The Mountain West Conference, home to powerhouses such as San Diego State, Wyoming, New Mexico, Air Force and UNLV have hired a Washington firm to lobby Congress.

OK, so let’s get this straight. First, we’re wasting tax payer dollars by allowing Congress to even hear this. Secondly, the poor parents of students who go to any of those 9 schooles are wasting tuition money (it ultimately goes there) hiring asshats from Washington to lobby.

OK, let’s get this straight. The Mountain West Conference does not have an automatic bid for a reason. It is a conference with 6 pushovers. The remaining three have 6 automatic wins a year, followed by up to three additional non-conference games that they get to choose. Lets not foget people: Undefeated, and probably best football team ever assembled, Utah’s best win was against Michigan, who they barely beat. How did Michigan finish by the way?

Sure, they beat BYU, who’s best win was probably against Air Force! Wait a second, they also beat TCU who’s best win was WAC powerhouse (forgive my sarcasm) Boise State. Hold the fucking phone. Let’s go back and replay the National Championship game, there was a CLEAR number one in the country. Give me a fucking break.

But I digress.

I must point the reader to an article I wrote a few months ago backing up the current BCS system. The just of the article is that I can better tell who the good teams are by having them play 10-12 games, rather than playing three.

When approaching playoffs, we often look at “who’s hot”, rather than “who’s better”. The same principle applies. I don’t want the National Champion to be the hottest team at the end of the year, I want it to be the best. By choosing the two teams from a pool of 119 teams over the course of playing 12 grueling games, I can get a much better indicator of worth than simply having to win to games to get in.

Think about who we would be giving the chance to. Before the bowls last season, Oklahoma, with the most prolific offense ever (statically) was number 1; Penn State was 8. Penn State had a good team, but shouldn’t even been mentioned in the same breath as Oklahoma. However, had Penn State gotten hot, they could have won the Championship simply by playing a weak Big 10 schedule, and getting hot.

Either way, Mountain West conference, be careful what you wish for. Right now you have a few teams who get to roll a bunch of cupcakes and then bitch because they can’t play the big dogs. I’d love to let TCU play in the Big 12 with the rest of the Texas teams for just one season. Oh what a great season that would be.

For me…not TCU.

Yes, I will be writing my congresswoman Marcy Kaptur showing my displeasure that she and the rest of our elected officials are wasting their time on such a meaningless endeavor. As I ramble on, I remember that in an effort to show he’s part of “Main Street (God I fucking hate that phrase), all-knowing Messiah Pres. Obama said he would favor a playoff system. That means all the dems would vote for it, and the history and tradition of America’s greatest sport would be ruined forever….

along with our fucking economy.