What’s the Arguing About?

53% of Americans oppose Teh One’s new health care plan (compared to only 42% who support). Nuff said.

Swine Flu is getting out of hand.

Fuck You Al Gore

that is all

RETARDED

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-238168
http://www.r-word.org

Yea, I said it. That word that gets everyone’s panties bunchy.

The thing is that the word is not “bad”. I quote:

relatively slow in mental or emotional or physical development

What the fuck man? Seriously, it describes a mental condition. At what point did accurate representations become politically incorrect? I’m not retarded, I’m mentally challenged. At what point will the phrase “mentally challenged” become offensive?

I’m not fat, I have an overactive appitite coupled with a lack of excersise desire.

It’s fucking rediculous, but not as rediculous as the apparent 29,000 people who signed a petition vowing never to use the word RETARDED again. Hopefully none of whom are mechanics that need to describe cam timing, which can be advanced, or RETARDED.

Hey DeLonte, what’s cracking?

Nuttin’ homie.

Hey dog, herd you got sickle cell anemia.

Nigga what’d you say about me?

I ‘erd you have the disease ’sickle-cell anemia’

Man, you can’t just go around saying the “medical” name for the condition I have. That’s wrong. What I really have is “red-blood cell shape irregularities due to a hemoglobin cell mutation”. Nigga, I thought you was my friend.

You may notice my blatant capitalization of the word RETARDED. That’s because for each of the 29,000 people who vowed not to use the word, I’m going to use it weekly. That’s a little over 4,100 times daily. Maybe you can sign my petition vowing to use the word RETARDED so it takes a little burden off of myself.

Anyways, without further ado (this will get me started):

retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; 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retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; 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retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; 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retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded;retarded; retarded; retarded; retarded;retarded; 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Overpaid Athletes and our Country

Sports are a big part of not only fans’ lives, but everyones lives. Whether you like it or not, the big business that is sports, touches each and every one of us. It may affect your city’s traffic on Sunday afternoons, it may affect casual conversation with people you’ve just met, and it certainly affects our day-to-day lives in the form of advertisement.

Whether we like it or not, sports are a big business, and it generates a lot of revenue. To be honest, I’m pretty damn tired of people complaining about athletes’ pay.

We live in a country that was founded upon certain principles. We have the right to religion, the bill of rights secures what we consider fundamental laws of humanity, and we have the right to prosper.

Prosperity is something that people flock from all over the world just to get a taste of. People in communist countries come because they want to decide their prosperity. Indian people come here and work their asses off. When we can’t keep up, we complain; we tell them to stop stealing American jobs. Why?

The great thing about this country is that we can decide essentially our path. We can choose to work hard. We can choose to become skilled. However, with the good comes the bad. Unfortunately human nature often times overrides this fundamental belief. How does this relate to athletes?

Athletes are skilled. The skill they they excel at is something that very few people can do. Its cold to think of it, but that’s how this country was founded. Do you think they make too much? Then you sit your ass in the box and try and hit CC Sabathia (notice no periods between first initials anymore). OK, now let’s see how well he can screw a bolt into an exhaust manifold.

The problem is green. Not only is the grass perpetually more elsewhere, but people can be it with envy. We will bust our ass getting to where we want to be. When the neighbors come over, we flaunt our new flat-screen TV, tell them about the hot tub that’s being put in. We enjoy that part of the capitalism our country (for the time being) embraces. We look down on those less fortunate, tell them to get better jobs; go back to school. However, when Bob moves in across the screen rolling in his Porsche, all of a sudden things just aren’t fair. I deserve a Porsche too. Communism takes over for the less willing and lazy. We have a natural greed about us that won’t let someone else enjoy what they have. The problem isn’t their fault.

We have come to accept this monetary exchange, and the standard has been set. It’s you people who are willing to pay $10 to go sit in a dark room and watch a moving picture for two hours. It’s you same people that are willing to go spend $50 so sit in a 12-inch plastic coffin, getting sunburnt, while your pits water down your sides because you can’t extend your arms. I’m not going to bang on anyone for doing it though, just as I’m not going to bang on anyone for spending thousands of dollars on a car.

You see, when it comes down to it, sports are simply coorporations. They put out a product, which the public purchases. They then take the overhead out, put money aside for growth and the rest goes to its employees. The only problem is that there are 10,000,000 other people out there that are more than capable to do your job. How many can do theirs?

On the bright side, athletes getting paid a lot is great for the economy. Every week that Pacman Jones gets paid, dozens of strippers can take home money to pay their rent. When Plaxico Burress gets his signing bonus, all the people who manufacture firearms are employed for another week. Every check they give to Larry Johnson lets one more woman who he’s jacked in the face sue him, which will in turn let her pay her rent….and her weave.

Luckily, when most of these assholes go bankrupt, it will be us helping them pay their rent.

2008 Cockflavored Year in Review

We Need Fucking Change God Dammit

Change 2008

Cockflavored Featured on Sober-X Website

Well, we made it to mainstream media, or a website that sells shit. The Corkflavored [sic] blog is now featured as a reviewer on the soberxpatch.com website. See below.

We are lucky enough to be featured with….Trader Magazine….and some chick from the NY Post. What the fuck does trader magazine do? Oh well [cue the Jefferson's music], we’re moving on up now.

What does this mean for the cockflavored crew? Well for one, it means we’ll have a larger audience for Josh to do his union bashing on. Joe’s wrist herpes (why such a popular page?) will get even more attention, and hopefully more people will get to see my balls.

Note to Cockflavored authors: Polo shirts are starting to get made

United States Wins Olympics!

OK, first let me say that the United States did indeed ‘win’ the Olympics. Yes, the Olympics are a great time where amatuer athletes come together and embrace in the…..fuck it, we won. How you ask? Here’s how.

One cannot simply compare gold medals or total medals. I’m not saying that badminton isn’t important, I don’t need to, you already know that. However, a trampolinist should not be awarded the same importance as a team sport such as baseball that necessitates an entire tournament. So, I came up with a point system.

Medal Points:
Bronze – 1pt
Silver – 2pt
Gold – 5pt

Yes, it’s weighted gold heavy and it should. To me, being the best in the world is worth more than a couple of jackasses that aren’t.

Multipliers:
1x – Reserved for Individual Events such as the 100m Butterfly or 50m Air Rifle Prone Position
2x – Reserved for team events with no tournament such as the 4×200m Freestyle Relay or Mens Team Archery. It is also used for individual events with a full tournament such as Boxing.
4x – The highest multiplier is used for large team events with full tournaments such as Basketball or Volleyball.

I also used 1.5 multiplier for events that I didn’t feel “deserved” the full 2x multiplier. An example is Womens Quadruple Sculls, Synchronized Diving, Team Table Tennis, or Swimming Individual Medleys.

Results are as expected. It was very close between the United States and China. China has a crapload of golds, but they are in a lot of 1x multiplier events. They swept the Table Tennis and Badminton events and dominated the diving.

However, the United States did win several of the 4x multiplier events, and at 20 points are substantial. The final results are:

China: 454 points
United States: 491 points

I do have the spreadsheet available if anyone wants, but the results are clear. Capitalism beats communism again.

Going through the events I was impressively disappointed by some of the events. I mean, there were 45 medals awarded in shooting; that’s 15 different events. 15 different shooting events, but baseball and softball didn’t make the 2012 cut. Likewise there are 16 differnet canoe/kayak events. Are you fucking serious? 11 different sailing events? I think we need to trim down some of these.

“Dis(over)abled” Olympic Athletes

We’ve all heard the story about South Africa’s Oscar Pistorius who while being a double-amputee is looking to qualify for his country to run the 400m at the Beijing Olympics. While this is a heart-warming story of someone overcoming adversary – not unlike Lance Armstong – as an engineer, I am shocked that this man will be allowed to run.

Originally it was determined that his super-bionic “blades” made him taller than he’d normally be, and provided an unfair advantage over the other athletes. I am completely in support of the original decision. However, the Olympic committee, possibly realizing that no one wants to leave the Olympics with two shot lungs from pollution, have allowed Oscar to run – apparently in a circus stunt to sell more tickets.

This is a landmark case that will allow many other prosthetics to be allowed in international play. You must understand that those fucking commie countries train their athletes from birth to do this shit. You don’t think they’ll stop at cutting off limbs? Come on. Anyways, I have came up with a few examples of what will happen at the 2012 Olympics if he is allowed to compete.

Chinese Long/High Jumper Fu Kiu

Ukrainian Shot Putter Dik Hurtzmelot

Australian Swimmer Zack Guppy

In all seriousness though, I do feel bad for the guy. I do agree that dominating the Special Olympics would be gay to the max, but when you start bringing carbon-fiber laced technology into the Olympics, then you throw everything out the window.

I’m sorry dude, you weren’t an Olympic caliber athlete before you were injured; doesn’t that tell you anything?