Twilight (2008) – Movie Synopsis

Here is the movie summed up in 5 seconds. I’ll save you the time.

Movie Review – Righteous Kill [2008]

 Righteous Kill

Starring: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino

Runtime: 110 minutes

OVERALL: C

The first thing this movie does it remind you of The Boondock Saints. You have a good guy, killing bad guys. As you would expect, Pacino and De Niro deliver fantastic performances. John Leguizamo and Donnie Walberg also play excellent supporting roles.

At the start of the movie, we hear Robert De Niro narrating a confession, and much of this continues throughout the movie. For the first 100 minutes of this movie, we see a steady spiraling decline of De Niro’s character into madness and rage. The interaction, or passiveness in his actions of Pacino balances the movie well, as the other two detectives (Leguizamo and Walberg) close in on the serial bad-guy killer.

However, the last 10 minutes of the movie completely ruin the journey. John Avnet (who produced  such ejaculate filled movies such as Homeward Bound, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Steal This Movie, Inspector Gadget, etc) and penman Russell Geriwitz (of Inside Man) decide to throw in a retarded plot twist at the end. Knowing of Inside Man’s clusterfuck ending, it should have been no surprise that great performances by two of our most respected actors would be completely blown by the trend to mindfuck the viewer at the end.

You see, there’s this trend right now that if you can’t guess the ending of a movie, it’s good. You’ll go into work and say, “Dude, you so won’t guess the ending, you have to go see it.” Unfortunately, these are too often thrown in last minute, destroying the first 7/8 of the movie. This is the case here.

[SPOILER ALERTS]

The whole movie is telling you that De Niro is the killer. It makes sense, and for the most part, Pacino is a supporting actor, little is devulged about him. Then right at the end, bam, we learn that all of those 1st person shots were from his point of view.

The movie wasted a brilliant 100 minutes of acting for 5 minutes of shock value and water-cooler talk.

Movie Review – Charlie Wilson’s War (2007)

Starring:
Tom Hanks
Julia Roberts

Runtime: 102 min.

Overall: B+

Charlie Wilson’s war deals with a Texas congressmen’s dealings with covert operations to help Afghanistan and Pakistan fight the communist Soviet Union.

From the trailers, this movie really seemed to me like it was going to be strictly political satire. I recall one quote

Someone: Why is it that the Congress talks about doing something and then does nothing?

Charlie: Well tradition mostly.

However, this is not the case, as this movie really has much deeper connections, while keeping the light-hearted flow that we expect from the previews.

The movie of course highlights Charlie Wilson (Hanks), a whiskey-loving, coke-snorting congressmen, who by luck, happens to be one of the most connected men in Washington. After a trip to Pakistan to see a Afghan refugee camp, he decides that he must intervene.

He is one the Defense and Covert Operations, so can allocate monies from the bottomless Defense budget to the Covert Ops budget to fund weapons and training for the Afghan and Pakistan armies.

The story essentially follows him trying to acquire these monies and weapons. Philip Seymour Hoffman makes an appearance as Gust Avrakotos, a CIA operative who is in charge of that part of the world. Hoffman has a rather impressive resume including: MI:3 (sucked); Capote; Cold Mountain; The Big Lebowski (awesome); and lots more. He plays great in this movie and includes a great line, “Yeah, well I’d like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you’re a douche bag.”

Of course the story goes where you expect it to; Charlie and his friends supply the armies with enough firepower to beat the Soviets. It’s the first time the Soviets are beaten. However, we get a rather solemn ending, which is summed up best by the movies final shot, a quote from Mr. Wilson:

These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world… And then we fucked up the endgame

The movie ends and begins with a guilty looking Charlie accepting a very prestigious award. What we come to find out is that we spent a billion dollars on this war that never happened. We won, and changed the world for the better. However, at the end, Charlie asked for a single million dollars to be used to rebuild the schools in Afghanistan. The rest of the committee soundly shoots him down.

We get this eerie feeling that the movie is hinting as the United States being partially responsible for the Taliban as well. Gust tells a story about a Zen Master:

There’s a little boy and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse… and everybody in the village says, “how wonderful. the boy got a horse” And the Zen master says, “we’ll see.” Two years later The boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg, and everybody in the village says, “how terrible.” And the Zen master says, “We’ll see.” Then a war breaks out and all the young men have to go off and fight… except the boy can’t cause his legs messed up. and everyone in the village says, “How wonderful.”

After a little research, the original script did include more content regarding the more serious topics, including the Taliban, but was removed for box office sake. The movie is a “do watch” though, and at a little over 100 minutes, theres no reason not to. Per the movie poster, this stuff really is something that you can’t make up.” The story is enticing, and even though you know what’s going to happen, you almost can’t believe it.

So, I’ve typed way too much, do watch this movie, it’s the best film I’ve seen in a few months.

Movie Review – Hitman (2007)

Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Olga Kurylenko

Runtime: 100min (few more for unrated)

Overall: C+ 

Hitman as the previews show, follows a trained gun around, as he’s whacking people. We find out that Agent 47 (Olyphant) was raised from birth in a training ground for killers. During a particular mission, he’s set up, and the movie follows him trying to get back at the guys who fucked him over.

The only beef I have with this movie is that’s its really already been done, exactly. If you’ve seen the Bourne Identity, then there’s not really much need to watch this.

Both movies start with trained assassins, the only difference is that Bourne can’t remember his training. Then, in the middle of some serious shit, they find and fall in love with a girl who they try and protect. In both movies, the other trained killers try and kill them and their women, only to fail in both.

Other than the fact that I’ve already watched this movie, and it’s two sequels, the movie did deliver in a mind-numbingly way. There are great action, and best of all, hot chick titties. Don’t let the name Olga confuse you, she’s hot, and get gets nekkid.

Had this movie came out years ago, I would have no problem giving it a B, unfortunately, you cannot simply follow a tried and true formula, with negligible change, and feel like you put out a good film. However, if you’re looking for one of those movies that you don’t need to think about, a movie that you can just sit back and watch explosion, boobs and lots of guns, then this is for you.

Movie Review – Beowulf (2007)

“Starring”:
Ray Winstone – Beowulf
Anthony Hopkins – Hrothgar
Angelina Jolie – Grendel’s Mother

Runtime: 113 min

Overall: C-

The movie is of course based on the story that many of us read in high school. There’s a scary monster, Grendel. It’s jacking people up all over the place. They ‘hire’ Beowulf, renowned hero to come and slay it. After he slays it, it’s mom gets all pissed and starts jacking dudes up too. So, Beowulf goes to kill the mom, only to find out she’s hot and showing her tits. She makes him a promise, he takes it.

He tells everyone that he’s killed her, though he hasn’t. The old king, Hrothgar, we find out made the same deal that Beowulf did. He kills himself, Beowulf becomes king. He lives happily until there’s a dragon which starts jacking dudes up. Beowulf kills the dragon, but dies himself.

OK, now onto the movie. The movie is FULL CGI, no live action what so ever. So, it will take a minute to get used to the feel of watching it. Luckily the computer models are extremely good, so when you see Jolie’s milk makers, it will stir some arousal in your pants.

Unfortunately, the movie really fell short of the hype. This was a very boring action movie. Aside from the few action scenes, which were all done terrifically, the movie just kind of drags on.

Early in, when Beowulf kills Grendel, for some reason he’s completely naked. I forget if its like that in the book, but the silly things they did to hide his cock were entirely too comedic for the part. That takes me to another point. How the shit did this only get PG-13? Who did they have to buy out for this. Seriously, you see Angelina Jolie’s tits. Nipple and all. Sure, they put like this gold color over top of it, but its still tits. Aside from that, most of the movie is these guys trying to get laid. Anyways…

At almost 2 hours, save yourself some time skip the middle half, there’s little reason to watch. It’s not a horrible movie, and the computer rendering is fantastic, but it’s definitely not something I would recommend.

Review – The Brave One

Starring: Jodie Foster, Terrence Howard

Overall:  C

If you’ve seen the movie, this is another vigilante movie. Remember the Punisher, and then that crappy looking movie that just came out with Kevin Bacon.

Anyways, in the movie, Foster plays a radio host whose fiance is murdered in front of her. 3 weeks later after she gets out of the coma, she undergoes a transformation and becomes a killer; a killer determined to wipe away bad people (think Boondock Saints).

So, right on her trail is this crafty detective, played by Howard. Somehow, over a half-dozen conversations over crimes, they fall in love.

SPOILER: end of the movie, Howard eventually helps Foster cover up her final crime, killing those who murdered her dude.

The movie wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I certainly appreciate at least the somewhat realistic transformation from her before and after. It’s not like these other movies where a seemingly normal person undergoes mental trauma, and suddenly becomes a fucking superhero. I get tired of that.

However, the love side plot was not well done, and was not believable at all. This is DEFINITELY a rent, and then only if there’s nothing else.

Yes, I’ll make it quick…tomorrow, my secret Jalepeno chicken fajitas recipe.

Movie Review – The Kingdom (2007)

Starring:
Jamie Foxx
Chris Cooper (Syriana, Bourne Trilogy, The Patroit)

Runtime:
110 min.

Overall: B+ 

This movie starts with an all star cast including Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman (Arrested Development, Smokin’ Aces), Jeremy ‘fucking’ Piven, hell, even Tim McGraw makes and appearance. Occasionally a movie with such a cast disappoints, luckily this is not the case. The Kingdom certainly plays on the times that we live in today, and gives the viewer a different perspective. Of what? Lots of things.

The movie starts with the LONGEST FUCKING CREDITS I’ve ever seen. The credits essentially show America-Middle East relations over the years. 20 minutes later, the movie starts showing an American fenced community. Some men come in, start shooting up the place. The shooting however, was just a decoy for a larger bomb that kills over a hundred.

In comes Ronald Fleury (Foxx).  Always a bad-ass. Remember when he was Willie Beamen in ‘Any Given Sunday.’

My name is Willie (Willie Beamen). I keep the ladies (creamin’).

Anyways, he leads up an FBI investigative team to check out the crime. After some political themed dialogue, the Saudis let the FBI in. So, everyone hates the Americans and they don’t let them do anything. Ronald and the Saudi colonel become good friends.

So, they eventually stumble onto a minor find. They catch some low-rate assbags. Damon Schmidt (Piven) then orders them outta the country. Honestly I don’t think I caught who the fuck he actually was. Anyways, on their way to the airport, a carbomb drives in front of their speeding caravan and blows up 2 of the 3 cars. They abduct Jason Bateman, and the chase is on.

They track them down, big firefight, lot’s of RPGs and gunfire. They rescue Bateman and then happen to stumble into the big dog of the whole operation. Someone described as a ghost.

There’s not a whole lot of plot, and certainly no twists. What you do get from this movie is a slightly better understanding of how hostile things can be. Of course every Saudi doesn’t have 7 “Deth2Amadika” shirts, but you really get an idea of what people have to put up with over there.

The action is good, especially at the end. The character development between Foxx and the Saudi colonel I thought was outstanding. Now the final lines in the movie are very thought-provoking, so I will leave it to you to determine your own opinion. That line is definitely something that can be debated about.

All in all, good flick; skip the credits and it’s only a 90 minute movie. Worth a watch.

Movie Review – Resident Evil: Extinction

Starring:
Milla Jovovich

Runtime: 95 min.

Overall: B-

This is the third (and final?) installment of the popular Resident Evil trilogy. Obviously the book is loosely based on the popular video game of the same name. Now down to business.

Let’s Review. The first Resident Evil was about the T-virus getting loose inside an underground secret facility. They go in and try and stop the virus from spreading. In the second, they re-open the Hive and the virus gets out into Raccoon City. They contain the virus and set loose that crazy thing to try and kill everything inside.

The title of the third essentially gives it away, they fail to contain the virus. It has spread all over the world, and has basically turned Earth into a barren wasteland…filled with zombies of course.

The second film was kinda weird and wasn’t the best, but the first was a pretty good action flick, so expectations were high for their last chance.

The movie follows Alice (Milla) as she roams the country. She says basically you can’t stay in one place, or they kill you. So, as she’s roaming, she finds a notebook that says, “Go to Alaska.” As luck would have it, she then runs into her old friends who saved her from the last movie. We find out later that she left them after the last movie, because she knows that Umbrella was watching, and didn’t want to put them in harms way.

As she finds them, we see that Alice has developed some nuts crazy, X-Men-like telekinetic powers. Apparently, if you use enough alpha and beta brain waves, you can pretty much do whatever you want. So, she saves them, and then they have this great plan to steal a helicopter, then Alice goes down inside the North American Rainbow hive.

Then shit gets kind of crazy. You see, the main scientist gets infected while trying to recapture Alice. Then he shoots himself full of like a gallon of anti-virus, which turns him into this crazy-mutated thing. He can shoot…well you just have to see. So, they duke it out, of course Alice wins.

Concurrently (word of the day), we see that all along they’ve been cloning Alice, trying to make the “perfect human.” So, Alice wakes up all of her sisters (?) and they go to Japan to kill all of them.

That’s pretty much the just of it. It didn’t seem like a whole lot happened during the movie. The scenes from Vegas were pretty sweet, but entirely not realistic (I WAS JUST THERE BITCHEZ!). They only included like 5 or 6 buildings which you could see the tops of. The entire strip is skyscrapers, you would have been able to see like the tops of 20 buildings. Plus there was huge buildings off of the strip, where were those?

Also, there is a scene were Umbrella puts a shipping container in the way of the convoy. It’s your normal sized, probably half the size of a semi-truck trailer, container. All of a sudden, like fucking 5,000 zombies come running out. Well, actually it only shows like 15 coming out, but they kill no less than the entire population of L.A….I was just at a loss.

That aside, the action was top notch as usual. Hot chicks beating ass and killing zombies is always a plus. However, do not expect to see a well thought, developed plot line. Much of this movie leads the reader to determine his own thoughts on the background, and the future of Umbrella. By the end of the movie, Alice knows that the cure to the T-virus lies in her blood.

To be honest, even though this was supposed to be the last movie, there almost needs to be another. Resident Evil: New Beginnings. I’m sure the people in charge of their artistic freedom don’t want to “ruin” the trilogy with a forced final installment. However, you can bet that after an opening weekend of over $23 million, there will be a final chapter to the story.

Anyways, this is NOT a much see. I would recommend this to anyone who has some free time, and hasn’t watched any of the other fantastic movies that are out right now.

Movie Review – “I Am Legend” (2007)

Starring: Will Smith (of course)
Runtime: 89 minutes

Overall: A-

If you’ve been in a hole for the last few months, I Am Legend was basically our Christmas blockbuster. It is the third (I believe) book based on a very old Richard Matheson book (1970..ish). The original, Omega Man, starring the Charlton Heston.

The premise is slightly different from the original (which is in my Netflix Q). In this edition, a doctor cures cancer. She does so basically by modifying existing viruses. Sho nuff, the virus turns, becomes airborne and infects the world.

In short time, 90% of the people die from it, 9% becomes zombies, and the remaining 1% basically get eaten. Robert Neville (Smith) is a military doctor who seemingly is in charge of containing the virus.

Most of the movie takes place 3 years after the outbreak, with Neville being completely isolated with his dog.

Like most agree, the scenes of deserted New York are fantastic; however, the CGI on the animals/people comes up short. However, this is not a movie that needs world class CGI to make it work.

Smith plays this role brilliantly. One thinks to Castaway, you know, the shitty Tom Hanks movie. This is castaway with zombies and some content. Being stranded on a desert island is easy. You don’t have much choice of what to do; survival is hard enough. Food and water take up most of your day, with little free time.

However, think what you would do if you had everything on a deserted island. Anything you wanted was yours. To get some real life interaction, Neville plays back taped morning shows, and even places mannequins in specific spots, for him to interact with. We see regimented days, with much time in his basement lab, trying to find a cure.

For the most part, his life works. He golfs off of an aircraft carrier, rides around in new cars, and has enough supplies to outlive him. However, for his experiments, he needs live infected people. During one of his attempts, his dog is bitten by an infected dog. Of course his dog gets infected, and he needs to kill him.

To this point, the dog was the only form of live interaction that he had. He basically has a mental break-down.

Without revealing the rest of the movie, let me just say that the movie is definitely a must watch. Smith’s performance is unbelivable. On top of that, there is good action; shit it’s a zombie movie.

I gave this movie an A- because I realized that for some reason I gave Transformers an A- as well. “I Am Legend” is definitely better than Transformers, but is not an A (hard to get in my book). In hindsight, Transformers should be B+, no higher. Anyways, watch this flick. The official runtime is 101 minutes, but the movie only lasts 89 minutes. It’s good, short, to the point.

edit:

I just seen that many of the online reviews are bad. Many of them state bad CGI and the book for some reason. Yes, the CGI, turns out, makes the zombies look bland. Boo hoo. One guy asked why the movie was so long…the movie, including the producers intro bullshit, was less than 90 minutes. It may not be as deep as the Godfather, and the CGI is definitely not Transformers worthy, but the movie is good.

Movie Review – Transformers (2007)

Starring:

Shia LeBeouf
Megan ‘le’ Fox (schwing)

Overall: A-

OK, I just got done jerking off to Transformers. This is not a metaphorical statement for how good the action was; I was seriously jerking off. I am going out right now and renting ANYTHING that this Megan Fox has ever done, ever. I see that she’s already signed on for Transformers 2; which I will be seeing in the theaters, hopefully an adult one.

The weird thing is that in most of her online pictures, she doesn’t look ‘that’ hot; but in the fucking movie, holy shit.

Anyways, the movie is actually really good. You will be entertained immensely. The action is of course unbelievable. The story is pretty decent too, and luckily, there was no human-robot porn in the entire thing. What crazy restrain Michael Bay much have.

There’s not a whole lot to say about the movie, it is really a great action flick. There’s that funny black man in the movie who always does funny things (Anthony Anderson).

At almost two and a half hours, the movie flows much quicker than anticipated, and like any good action film, you are rarely left bored.

Much better than “Live Free or Die Hard” I would recommend this movie to any of my friends.