The Omni – Toledo, OH

THE OWNERS A FUCKING ASSHOLE, DON’T GO THERE AND SUPPORT THAT MOTHERFUCKER!!!

So I went to see a show there a week ago. I went to seen the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (tickets for the woman, don’t hate). It was a decent show, but this is about the venue. The Omni, formerly Gatorz, formerly a bowling alley is incredibly similar to the previous layout. The bar is still in the center of the floor, but much of the rear is walled off and is now a new “chill-area”.

Anyways, the problem is the owner. The owner is a fucking young (late-20’s, early 30’s) douchebag. So the show starts, and I’m chilling behind the bar enjoy a Gin and Tonic. I like this particular vantage point and I’ve seen a few shows from this spot. There’s no one in front of me, except for a bartender getting me another drink. It’s perfect.
So the headliner comes on, and the owner gets on the bar and stands there…and stands there…and stands there.

Then, he asks a “bouncer” to get up with him. He’s right fucking in front of us. I ask a bartender why the fuck he’s up there. She says that he’s “looking for someone.” WTF mate? Why isn’t he standing at the front on the corner of the stage or something? So, we ask the bartender to deliver a message to him. We didn’t even ask him to get down, all we said was:

Instead of standing in one spot, can you at least move around a little?

The bartender comes back and he says:

Uh…you don’t want me to repeat what he said…

So the fucking dickhead stands there for the rest of the show. I mean, if I owned a business, I would treat my customers decently. He’s lost my fucking business. Hopefully you will take heed and let this fuckface go under.

2008 Cockflavored Year in Review

Sober X Anti-Hangover Patch Review

Finally. It’s uploaded. The Cockflavored exclusive review of the miracle patch. I ‘think’ that it’s the very first, third-party review of this thing. It’s a little long, and you’ll need to turn your volume up, but enjoy.

Disclaimer: Do not try this at home. Cockflavored drinkers are seasoned enough to be able to handle this amount of booze. Drinking this much can cause serious injury and even death. In not way does the Cockflavored blog condone illegal underage drinking either, but it does condone sodomy….where it’s legal.

Restaurant Review – La Scola Italian Grill

La Scola Italian grill in Toledo, Ohio is located in the old Damon’s Steakhouse building, on Airport Highway, near Reynolds road. The exterior of the building is bland as it was before, however now complementary valet service awaits for those too lazy to walk the extra 30 feet.

Upon walking in, I was immediately surprised to see a lovely decor, with tons of framed black and white pictures lining the walls. The bar area hasn’t moved, however adjacent to it is a lounge area, complete with lush leather sofas and televisions.

To the food. I ordered the Bruschetta Formagio, the classic bread and tomatoes with Alfredo sauce to add to the flavor. This was absolutely phenomenal. The bread was perfect, the chiffonade of basil along with the tomatoes tasted like they were just picked off the vine. The $8 price was a little steep, being that one can order an entire pizza (personal portion) for just a couple bucks more.

Like the Bruschetta, the salads were very fresh, with excellent dressings. My caesar salad was crisp, with excellent croutons and caesar dressing, however the house salad with a Balsamic dressing was far better.

For my entree, I went with the Veal Piccata; a classic italian dish with a reduced Brandy-mushroom butter sauce. The dish was cooked well and tasted good, however the presentation was quite lacking. I was presented with basically a plate of brown stuff. However, the veal was cooked well, and the sauce was very good. The dish came with a side of pasta and tomato sauce which while good, was largely forgettable.

The pizzas were quite good, and at around $10, are a good deal compared to the rest of the menu. I was slightly disappointed with the Pizza Margherita – ‘the’ classic pizza – as the basil was in a chiffonade similar to the Bruschetta rather than whole. The Pizza Pollo Bandierra, while not very traditional, was much better, and the leftovers were fabulous.

All in all, I was definitely impressed with the decor and ambiance. I think that it’s slightly behind Rosie’s Italian Grill, but I will have to go again to check it out (and get the Saltimboca).

Movie Review – Charlie Wilson’s War (2007)

Starring:
Tom Hanks
Julia Roberts

Runtime: 102 min.

Overall: B+

Charlie Wilson’s war deals with a Texas congressmen’s dealings with covert operations to help Afghanistan and Pakistan fight the communist Soviet Union.

From the trailers, this movie really seemed to me like it was going to be strictly political satire. I recall one quote

Someone: Why is it that the Congress talks about doing something and then does nothing?

Charlie: Well tradition mostly.

However, this is not the case, as this movie really has much deeper connections, while keeping the light-hearted flow that we expect from the previews.

The movie of course highlights Charlie Wilson (Hanks), a whiskey-loving, coke-snorting congressmen, who by luck, happens to be one of the most connected men in Washington. After a trip to Pakistan to see a Afghan refugee camp, he decides that he must intervene.

He is one the Defense and Covert Operations, so can allocate monies from the bottomless Defense budget to the Covert Ops budget to fund weapons and training for the Afghan and Pakistan armies.

The story essentially follows him trying to acquire these monies and weapons. Philip Seymour Hoffman makes an appearance as Gust Avrakotos, a CIA operative who is in charge of that part of the world. Hoffman has a rather impressive resume including: MI:3 (sucked); Capote; Cold Mountain; The Big Lebowski (awesome); and lots more. He plays great in this movie and includes a great line, “Yeah, well I’d like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you’re a douche bag.”

Of course the story goes where you expect it to; Charlie and his friends supply the armies with enough firepower to beat the Soviets. It’s the first time the Soviets are beaten. However, we get a rather solemn ending, which is summed up best by the movies final shot, a quote from Mr. Wilson:

These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world… And then we fucked up the endgame

The movie ends and begins with a guilty looking Charlie accepting a very prestigious award. What we come to find out is that we spent a billion dollars on this war that never happened. We won, and changed the world for the better. However, at the end, Charlie asked for a single million dollars to be used to rebuild the schools in Afghanistan. The rest of the committee soundly shoots him down.

We get this eerie feeling that the movie is hinting as the United States being partially responsible for the Taliban as well. Gust tells a story about a Zen Master:

There’s a little boy and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse… and everybody in the village says, “how wonderful. the boy got a horse” And the Zen master says, “we’ll see.” Two years later The boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg, and everybody in the village says, “how terrible.” And the Zen master says, “We’ll see.” Then a war breaks out and all the young men have to go off and fight… except the boy can’t cause his legs messed up. and everyone in the village says, “How wonderful.”

After a little research, the original script did include more content regarding the more serious topics, including the Taliban, but was removed for box office sake. The movie is a “do watch” though, and at a little over 100 minutes, theres no reason not to. Per the movie poster, this stuff really is something that you can’t make up.” The story is enticing, and even though you know what’s going to happen, you almost can’t believe it.

So, I’ve typed way too much, do watch this movie, it’s the best film I’ve seen in a few months.

Movie Review – Hitman (2007)

Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Olga Kurylenko

Runtime: 100min (few more for unrated)

Overall: C+ 

Hitman as the previews show, follows a trained gun around, as he’s whacking people. We find out that Agent 47 (Olyphant) was raised from birth in a training ground for killers. During a particular mission, he’s set up, and the movie follows him trying to get back at the guys who fucked him over.

The only beef I have with this movie is that’s its really already been done, exactly. If you’ve seen the Bourne Identity, then there’s not really much need to watch this.

Both movies start with trained assassins, the only difference is that Bourne can’t remember his training. Then, in the middle of some serious shit, they find and fall in love with a girl who they try and protect. In both movies, the other trained killers try and kill them and their women, only to fail in both.

Other than the fact that I’ve already watched this movie, and it’s two sequels, the movie did deliver in a mind-numbingly way. There are great action, and best of all, hot chick titties. Don’t let the name Olga confuse you, she’s hot, and get gets nekkid.

Had this movie came out years ago, I would have no problem giving it a B, unfortunately, you cannot simply follow a tried and true formula, with negligible change, and feel like you put out a good film. However, if you’re looking for one of those movies that you don’t need to think about, a movie that you can just sit back and watch explosion, boobs and lots of guns, then this is for you.

Movie Review – Beowulf (2007)

“Starring”:
Ray Winstone – Beowulf
Anthony Hopkins – Hrothgar
Angelina Jolie – Grendel’s Mother

Runtime: 113 min

Overall: C-

The movie is of course based on the story that many of us read in high school. There’s a scary monster, Grendel. It’s jacking people up all over the place. They ‘hire’ Beowulf, renowned hero to come and slay it. After he slays it, it’s mom gets all pissed and starts jacking dudes up too. So, Beowulf goes to kill the mom, only to find out she’s hot and showing her tits. She makes him a promise, he takes it.

He tells everyone that he’s killed her, though he hasn’t. The old king, Hrothgar, we find out made the same deal that Beowulf did. He kills himself, Beowulf becomes king. He lives happily until there’s a dragon which starts jacking dudes up. Beowulf kills the dragon, but dies himself.

OK, now onto the movie. The movie is FULL CGI, no live action what so ever. So, it will take a minute to get used to the feel of watching it. Luckily the computer models are extremely good, so when you see Jolie’s milk makers, it will stir some arousal in your pants.

Unfortunately, the movie really fell short of the hype. This was a very boring action movie. Aside from the few action scenes, which were all done terrifically, the movie just kind of drags on.

Early in, when Beowulf kills Grendel, for some reason he’s completely naked. I forget if its like that in the book, but the silly things they did to hide his cock were entirely too comedic for the part. That takes me to another point. How the shit did this only get PG-13? Who did they have to buy out for this. Seriously, you see Angelina Jolie’s tits. Nipple and all. Sure, they put like this gold color over top of it, but its still tits. Aside from that, most of the movie is these guys trying to get laid. Anyways…

At almost 2 hours, save yourself some time skip the middle half, there’s little reason to watch. It’s not a horrible movie, and the computer rendering is fantastic, but it’s definitely not something I would recommend.

Review – The Brave One

Starring: Jodie Foster, Terrence Howard

Overall:  C

If you’ve seen the movie, this is another vigilante movie. Remember the Punisher, and then that crappy looking movie that just came out with Kevin Bacon.

Anyways, in the movie, Foster plays a radio host whose fiance is murdered in front of her. 3 weeks later after she gets out of the coma, she undergoes a transformation and becomes a killer; a killer determined to wipe away bad people (think Boondock Saints).

So, right on her trail is this crafty detective, played by Howard. Somehow, over a half-dozen conversations over crimes, they fall in love.

SPOILER: end of the movie, Howard eventually helps Foster cover up her final crime, killing those who murdered her dude.

The movie wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I certainly appreciate at least the somewhat realistic transformation from her before and after. It’s not like these other movies where a seemingly normal person undergoes mental trauma, and suddenly becomes a fucking superhero. I get tired of that.

However, the love side plot was not well done, and was not believable at all. This is DEFINITELY a rent, and then only if there’s nothing else.

Yes, I’ll make it quick…tomorrow, my secret Jalepeno chicken fajitas recipe.

The Triple Crown

I’ve decided to let you all in on a little secret; one of the best bars in town. It’s called the Triple Crown, and you won’t find it unless you know where to look. The place has no sign; in fact there is no indication from the outside that it’s even a bar.

I stumbled on this place by accident; a glorious accident that would change the way I look at bars. The bar is seated next to a pizza place. When picking up a za one day, the door flew open as someone walked outside, and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of heaven.

The next time around, I went inside for a quick shot when my za wasn’t ready. That’s when it hit me. This place is great.

This is the type of place that you’d almost be ashamed to be seen inside. The bartenders are 60-year old women, who has certainly seen better days. The crowd is a small group of drunks. The lighting: dreary. The bathrooms: rancid. The feeling: Euphoric.

The great feeling can be attributed to two things: great prices, and shuffleboard. This is one of the only places in town that I know of that has shuffleboard, and certainly the only dive. If you’re not familiar with the game, it’s kind of like curling, but without the gay sex. For some strange reason, this game is crazy fun. This is me scoring 3 points, with a deadly shot.

The second reason this place rocks is the prices. They were decent before, but upon a recent visit, I realized that they have lowered their prices.

$1.40 for a 16oz draft!!

I threw those sons of a bitches back so fast people’s heads were spinning.

Will I tell you where this place is? No. I’ve only giving you this information, so that you may hold with you a beacon of light; a feeling of hope, that there is a place like this out there. Maybe one day, you too will find it by accident. If you do, don’t fuck it up for me.

Movie Review – The Kingdom (2007)

Starring:
Jamie Foxx
Chris Cooper (Syriana, Bourne Trilogy, The Patroit)

Runtime:
110 min.

Overall: B+ 

This movie starts with an all star cast including Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman (Arrested Development, Smokin’ Aces), Jeremy ‘fucking’ Piven, hell, even Tim McGraw makes and appearance. Occasionally a movie with such a cast disappoints, luckily this is not the case. The Kingdom certainly plays on the times that we live in today, and gives the viewer a different perspective. Of what? Lots of things.

The movie starts with the LONGEST FUCKING CREDITS I’ve ever seen. The credits essentially show America-Middle East relations over the years. 20 minutes later, the movie starts showing an American fenced community. Some men come in, start shooting up the place. The shooting however, was just a decoy for a larger bomb that kills over a hundred.

In comes Ronald Fleury (Foxx).  Always a bad-ass. Remember when he was Willie Beamen in ‘Any Given Sunday.’

My name is Willie (Willie Beamen). I keep the ladies (creamin’).

Anyways, he leads up an FBI investigative team to check out the crime. After some political themed dialogue, the Saudis let the FBI in. So, everyone hates the Americans and they don’t let them do anything. Ronald and the Saudi colonel become good friends.

So, they eventually stumble onto a minor find. They catch some low-rate assbags. Damon Schmidt (Piven) then orders them outta the country. Honestly I don’t think I caught who the fuck he actually was. Anyways, on their way to the airport, a carbomb drives in front of their speeding caravan and blows up 2 of the 3 cars. They abduct Jason Bateman, and the chase is on.

They track them down, big firefight, lot’s of RPGs and gunfire. They rescue Bateman and then happen to stumble into the big dog of the whole operation. Someone described as a ghost.

There’s not a whole lot of plot, and certainly no twists. What you do get from this movie is a slightly better understanding of how hostile things can be. Of course every Saudi doesn’t have 7 “Deth2Amadika” shirts, but you really get an idea of what people have to put up with over there.

The action is good, especially at the end. The character development between Foxx and the Saudi colonel I thought was outstanding. Now the final lines in the movie are very thought-provoking, so I will leave it to you to determine your own opinion. That line is definitely something that can be debated about.

All in all, good flick; skip the credits and it’s only a 90 minute movie. Worth a watch.