Quote of the Day

Reggie Miller during the third quarter of Game 5 Eastern Conference Finals referencing Anderson Varejao flopping

Well I know one guy in the green room cause I’ve been there for the first four games that does not like the flopping of Anderson Varejao and that would be our Sir Charles Barkley. He thinks every play out there Varejao is flopping all over the place, and I was telling him you cant be mad at Anderson Varejao, that’s his game.

Some guys are great shooters some guys are great passers, Anderson Varejao game is getting under the skin of other opposing big men. If that’s his game is to flop and draw charges and to get guys techincal fouls, so be it.

Detroit Red Wings – Game 5 Western Conference Finals

So, I was able to go to Game 5 of the Western Conference Finals in Detroit as the Red Wings faced off against the Chicago Blackhawks. Hockey games are always fun, but they’re even better when your seats are better than nearly everyone elses’.

They were so good that we were pretty damn close to a couple of celebrities. Val Kilmer was 5 feet away from me, but by the time I noticed him (he was wearing lots of dark clothing), he was walking out (never returned, not even for OT by the way). However, I did get a picture of Mike Starr who IMHO played his best role in Dumb and Dumber as Joe “Mental” Mentalino.

This Guy: These guys gotta be professionals.

JP: How do you figure that?

Him Again: Gas Man? How the hell they know I got gas?

JP: They must have been following us for weeks.

Finally, a picture of Katy at the end of the game.

Let’s Waste More Taxpayer Dollars on Sports

Are you fucking kidding me? We’re doing it again? It started with Arlen Specter (all-American fag by the way) wasting tax-payer dollars on the possibility of the New England Patriots stealing defensive signals.

We then take it one step further. The Mountain West Conference, home to powerhouses such as San Diego State, Wyoming, New Mexico, Air Force and UNLV have hired a Washington firm to lobby Congress.

OK, so let’s get this straight. First, we’re wasting tax payer dollars by allowing Congress to even hear this. Secondly, the poor parents of students who go to any of those 9 schooles are wasting tuition money (it ultimately goes there) hiring asshats from Washington to lobby.

OK, let’s get this straight. The Mountain West Conference does not have an automatic bid for a reason. It is a conference with 6 pushovers. The remaining three have 6 automatic wins a year, followed by up to three additional non-conference games that they get to choose. Lets not foget people: Undefeated, and probably best football team ever assembled, Utah’s best win was against Michigan, who they barely beat. How did Michigan finish by the way?

Sure, they beat BYU, who’s best win was probably against Air Force! Wait a second, they also beat TCU who’s best win was WAC powerhouse (forgive my sarcasm) Boise State. Hold the fucking phone. Let’s go back and replay the National Championship game, there was a CLEAR number one in the country. Give me a fucking break.

But I digress.

I must point the reader to an article I wrote a few months ago backing up the current BCS system. The just of the article is that I can better tell who the good teams are by having them play 10-12 games, rather than playing three.

When approaching playoffs, we often look at “who’s hot”, rather than “who’s better”. The same principle applies. I don’t want the National Champion to be the hottest team at the end of the year, I want it to be the best. By choosing the two teams from a pool of 119 teams over the course of playing 12 grueling games, I can get a much better indicator of worth than simply having to win to games to get in.

Think about who we would be giving the chance to. Before the bowls last season, Oklahoma, with the most prolific offense ever (statically) was number 1; Penn State was 8. Penn State had a good team, but shouldn’t even been mentioned in the same breath as Oklahoma. However, had Penn State gotten hot, they could have won the Championship simply by playing a weak Big 10 schedule, and getting hot.

Either way, Mountain West conference, be careful what you wish for. Right now you have a few teams who get to roll a bunch of cupcakes and then bitch because they can’t play the big dogs. I’d love to let TCU play in the Big 12 with the rest of the Texas teams for just one season. Oh what a great season that would be.

For me…not TCU.

Yes, I will be writing my congresswoman Marcy Kaptur showing my displeasure that she and the rest of our elected officials are wasting their time on such a meaningless endeavor. As I ramble on, I remember that in an effort to show he’s part of “Main Street (God I fucking hate that phrase), all-knowing Messiah Pres. Obama said he would favor a playoff system. That means all the dems would vote for it, and the history and tradition of America’s greatest sport would be ruined forever….

along with our fucking economy.

Overpaid Athletes and our Country

Sports are a big part of not only fans’ lives, but everyones lives. Whether you like it or not, the big business that is sports, touches each and every one of us. It may affect your city’s traffic on Sunday afternoons, it may affect casual conversation with people you’ve just met, and it certainly affects our day-to-day lives in the form of advertisement.

Whether we like it or not, sports are a big business, and it generates a lot of revenue. To be honest, I’m pretty damn tired of people complaining about athletes’ pay.

We live in a country that was founded upon certain principles. We have the right to religion, the bill of rights secures what we consider fundamental laws of humanity, and we have the right to prosper.

Prosperity is something that people flock from all over the world just to get a taste of. People in communist countries come because they want to decide their prosperity. Indian people come here and work their asses off. When we can’t keep up, we complain; we tell them to stop stealing American jobs. Why?

The great thing about this country is that we can decide essentially our path. We can choose to work hard. We can choose to become skilled. However, with the good comes the bad. Unfortunately human nature often times overrides this fundamental belief. How does this relate to athletes?

Athletes are skilled. The skill they they excel at is something that very few people can do. Its cold to think of it, but that’s how this country was founded. Do you think they make too much? Then you sit your ass in the box and try and hit CC Sabathia (notice no periods between first initials anymore). OK, now let’s see how well he can screw a bolt into an exhaust manifold.

The problem is green. Not only is the grass perpetually more elsewhere, but people can be it with envy. We will bust our ass getting to where we want to be. When the neighbors come over, we flaunt our new flat-screen TV, tell them about the hot tub that’s being put in. We enjoy that part of the capitalism our country (for the time being) embraces. We look down on those less fortunate, tell them to get better jobs; go back to school. However, when Bob moves in across the screen rolling in his Porsche, all of a sudden things just aren’t fair. I deserve a Porsche too. Communism takes over for the less willing and lazy. We have a natural greed about us that won’t let someone else enjoy what they have. The problem isn’t their fault.

We have come to accept this monetary exchange, and the standard has been set. It’s you people who are willing to pay $10 to go sit in a dark room and watch a moving picture for two hours. It’s you same people that are willing to go spend $50 so sit in a 12-inch plastic coffin, getting sunburnt, while your pits water down your sides because you can’t extend your arms. I’m not going to bang on anyone for doing it though, just as I’m not going to bang on anyone for spending thousands of dollars on a car.

You see, when it comes down to it, sports are simply coorporations. They put out a product, which the public purchases. They then take the overhead out, put money aside for growth and the rest goes to its employees. The only problem is that there are 10,000,000 other people out there that are more than capable to do your job. How many can do theirs?

On the bright side, athletes getting paid a lot is great for the economy. Every week that Pacman Jones gets paid, dozens of strippers can take home money to pay their rent. When Plaxico Burress gets his signing bonus, all the people who manufacture firearms are employed for another week. Every check they give to Larry Johnson lets one more woman who he’s jacked in the face sue him, which will in turn let her pay her rent….and her weave.

Luckily, when most of these assholes go bankrupt, it will be us helping them pay their rent.

BCS – What a Great System We Have…Seriously

What a way to finish the bowl season. We seen two of the very best football games to close out the season with Texas winning a nail biter in Glendale, and finishing off with a thoroughly interesting national championship game.

Questions are being asked as to whom the national championship should belong to. Is it undefeated Utah, perhaps one-loss Texas or USC who didn’t get a chance to play in the big game. Let me be the first to say that we had the game we needed, and its all thanks to the wonderful BCS system.

First of all, let me abolish any thoughts that Kyle Wittingham’s Utah team deserves anything. Jeff Sagarin has the Mountain West conference ranked just slightly above the MAC; and below the service school filled Independents. Proponents say that they beat four ranked teams. Let’s not forget that their sole victory against a non-conference ranked oppenent was week 1, a 2-point win against Michigan. Their schedule strength puts them in the bottom 40% toughest in the nation. Their other two ranked wins, both in conference games against TCU and BYU.

Sure they played a great game against a Alabama team with nothing left to play for. Get over it, you’re not as good as everyone else. In fact, all-world brain-guy Jeff Sagarin has Utah ranked 10th in his predictor rating, the best rating scale for predicting an actual game. Yes, that’s behind Ohio State. To more important things.

If I flip a coin 3 times, there is a 12.5% chance it will land heads each time. If that happens, does it mean that heads is the most likely results of a coin flip? Of course not, but it happens. The point I’m trying to make is in reference to a possible playoff system.

The NCAA basketball system works for one simple reason: the shear amount of wins needed. In order to win the college basketball championship, a team needs 6 consecutive wins. The chances of flipping a coin heads 6 times in a row? 1.56%, significantly smaller.However, having a six-week football playoff is completely outrageous. People talk about 8 team playoffs, or a +1 system, which is essentially a 4 team playoff. This takes us back to the coin flip.

With such a small playoff, the odds increase that weaker team can upset and win the tournament. Does that mean that they’re better? Do we really think Utah is better than Alabama? Is Texas really only that much better than Ohio State? With the Mountain West and Western Athletic Conferences receiving annual bids to BCS games, we have a situation where at all times a mid-major is only two games away from being crowned the best in the nation. This is scary when we consider the seemingly random upsets that occur during the bowl season. Was Boise State really better than Oklahoma a few years back?

The best solution is to have all the teams play a full schedule and then try and guess who the best teams are. Typically it works well. This year there was controversy because Utah rolled some cupcakes, and there were three teams who all beat each other. However both the subjectivity and objectivity of humans and computers both decided that there are two and only two teams worthy of playing for it all.

Football Season Already Half Over

OK, I haven’t posted anything in a while. I had a few videos chronicling my election day, but due to extreme disappointment in the voting public, I’ve decided not to post them. Anyways, football season is halfway over. Right now I’ll go over my previous spur-of-the-moment picks, say where I went bad, where I got it right, and make second half predictions. Let’s start with the NFL.

AFC: I still like half of my picks, I think the Pats will come through with the division and Denver will crumble under a horrific defense. Who could have thought that Tennessee would be undeafeated, the Colts would be .500, and that the AFC East is sitting with three teams in the playoffs?!?!?

I like the Titans and the Steelers to finish out the division, with the Colts taking the high Wild Card. I think that Baltimore’s schedule is too tough from here, and Buffalo will squeak in with a very easy remaining schedule.

NFC: First of all, who called the Redskins that early? Me, that’s who. With the Giants having a brutal remaining schedule, I like the ‘Skins to win the East. The Bears can’t last, and I still like the Packers in the Central. The South is extremely close, and the Saints still have a great chance to win with one of the most prolific offenses in the league.

I was wrong about the Giants (there I said it), but I do still think Eli is way over-rated. The wildcard race will be very close with the Eagles, Giants/Redskins, Buccaneers (really?), and the Vikings still have a chance. All in all, I still feel pretty good about the NFC, just swap the Giants and the Cowboys. Oh yea, someone will have to come out of the West, but who gives a fuck?

Now onto the better half, college. It’s been a really fucking awesome season so far, but mostly, I feel horrible for Georgia. They have a great team, but an absolute devastating schedule has left them with two losses. I picked Auburn in the West, but it’s OK cause hopefully Tommy Tub. will be gone after this year. Alabama defintely took us by surprise with their demolishing of Georgia early in the season.

The Big-10 is shaping up close to expected. Wisconsin, we’re sorry. What a bitch 4 game streak. You never win to Michigan, then Ohio State and Penn State? Ouch. Gone, too bad. Penn State looks great, but I don’t think they belong in the hunt with the likes of Florida, USC, and half of the Big-12.

Speaking of which is great football week in-week out. Who knows comes out of that on top. Missouri will of course come out of the North, then subsequently lose to whomever comes out ‘da South. Texas of course wins out, giving them only one loss, to Texas Tech. Texas Tech loses at least once in the next two weeks. Oklahoma has only one loss, to Texas. Oklahoma State looks great, but I think will fall to Oklahoma. So, we’ll have four teams at the top, all with one loss, each to each other. What the duece? What’s the tie-break?

Well we at Cockflavored have it. First:

If it’s two teams, its the winner if they played, but we have possibly 4. Then, essentially, you take all the teams, and put their records between each other into a round-robin type format. Whoever has the best record wins. Let’s guess:
Texas – 1 over Oklahoma
Texas Tech – 2 over Texas and either Oklahoma or Ok. St.
Oklahoma – 1 or 2 over Oklahoma St and Maybe Texas Tech
Oklahoma St – 1 Texas Tech OR Oklahoma

So of course, if Texas Tech wins out, they more than likely win the Big 12. IF Oklahoma wins out vs Ok St. AND beats Texas Tech, then they will both have 2 wins in the “Round Robin.”

The next tiebreaker is wins in the division. Texas Tech will have 4: Texas A&M, Texas, Oklahoma State, and Baylor. Oklahoma will have 4 as well: Baylor, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, and Oklahoma State.

However, at this point, when the tiebreakers come down to two teams, head-to-head will come back into play, of which of course Oklahoma, we assumed, won. So, Texas is pretty much out of it. Unless Oklahoma and Texas Tech both lose a couple of games, they can’t win the South. Ok. St is a really good team, but with Texas Tech and Oklahoma left, I don’t think they can win both. This leaves Texas Tech and Oklahoma. I like Oklahoma’s more balanced attack to win and keep my preseason prediction

So to sum up:

BCS National Championship: Florida over Oklahoma
Rose Bowl: USC over Penn St.
Fiesta Bowl: Texas over Ohio State
Sugar Bowl: Alabama over West Virginia
Orange Bowl: Utah over Miami/Georgia Tech in the worst Orange Bowl EVER

Sorry for the long post, just sitting here rambling watching Brady Quinn be the worst QB ever.

Terrell Pryor – Part I

Here is Terrell Pryor 20 yards behind the line of scrimmage right next to the sideline.

Tressel – Throw the goddamm ball away you fucking idiot.

Pryor – No coach, I can get out of this. Remember, I was the top rated prospect outta high school.

Tressel – …and your sacked you douchebag. Now it’s 2nd and 35 and I have to let you try and pass it again. Jesus fucking Christ if Boeckman didn’t blow so much balls I’d blow your fucking brains out. Mother fucker.

Sunday at the Palace

So, I had 4 tickets to Sunday night’s Pistons vs. Raptors game. I knew that the Pistons weren’t going to be playing their starters much, but we had sweet tickets, so I went anyways. We pull up to our RESERVED parking spot, and realize were about 30 yds away from the entrance. Baller dare I say?

Our tickets were in row AA. For those of you who aren’t sweet enough to have tickets this awesome, at the Palace, rows start at AA, go to around FF, then start at A again. AA = Row 1. But, there are some pretty crappy row 1 seats, but ours were completely half-court! Well, techincally there’s an aisle at half-court, but we had the 4 seats right next to it. Here’s a shot from the introductions.

This is opening tipoff. I wasn’t lying. We’re right fucking there. You’ll notice people in front of us. You gotta understand, floor seats are completely different. However, unless you are in the front row of the floor seats, you’re better off in Row AA. Floor seats are very tight, and there’s no incline, so if you are in rows 2-4, it’s kind of hard to see (trust me).

Here’s a shot of some of the Automotion dancers as they get ready to fuck with Hubie Brown.

Here’s the final bell, with the Pistons coming out victorious, even though starters only played like 10 minutes.

So, these are probably the best seats for any game I’ve had in a while. The club level seats at the Lions game last year were pretty sweet, but I think these were better. It’s great being better than everyone else because you have servers that come wait on you.

Also, Row AA are the only seats in the place that you have leg room for. There is walkway between the first row and the floor seats, so they are the only place that you can stretch out your legs. Its very nice living the high life.

Arlen Specter – All American Fag – Update

UPDATE – Toledo Blade sports columnist put it very well when he said:

An aside, if you will. Specter is hinting at a congressional investigation. Last time I checked, our lawmakers are dealing with an economic bail-out to prevent us falling further into recession and to try and quell the mortgage crisis in the banking and housing industries. For a supposedly enlightened society, we face astounding challenges in health care and education. And, then, there’s that little dust-up over in Iraq. Our lawmakers might want to keep their priorities straight. Belichick and the Patriots didn’t violate any laws, just the NFL’s rules. So, Senator, get lost.

My quote is not so classy.

Arlen Specter is a Pennsylvanian Republican senator who is being a major fucking douchebag. He wants to know why NFL commissioner Roger Goodell destroyed the infamous “Spygate” videos. This vaginal secretion says:

The American people are entitled to be sure about the integrity of the game. It’s analogous to the CIA destruction of tapes, or any time you have records destroyed.

WHAT?!?! Analogous to the CIA destroying tapes? Are you out of your mind. Is your mind as fucked as your face is looking?

OK, down to business. You’re in the congress, and I right? Why are you even thinking about football?? We don’t fucking pay you to worry about goddamn football. Go worry about why your constituents can’t find jobs, breath polluted air, drive on broken highways. Worry about the fucking crime. Worry about education.

DON’T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT SHIT THAT ISN’T YOURS TO DEAL WITH JUST SO YOU CAN GET YOUR FUCKED UP, SCRAGGLY-LOOKING, BIG-ASS NOSED, DUMBO-SIZED EARED, AIRPORT TARMAC FOREHEADED, BRITISH-TOOTHED, RAT-NEST HAIRED FUCKING HEAD ON TV.

You are the HEAD of the Senate Judiciary Committee, and this is the best that you can do. No wonder we have no faith in our governement.

ASSHOLE.

Oh yea, Goodell saying that he wanted them destroyed so they could never be used again wasn’t enough. This dickhead is calling him in so the entire fucking Judiciary Committee can hear Goodell testify. Holy fucking tax dollars that you don’t give a shit about.

The Last Tailgate

So it’s over, the legacy, the dynasty. What was once a weekly event, is now officially over. This last Saturday marked the final hurrah of one Buddy B as he gets married this coming Saturday. As such, this last week was the last in a historical chain of stupidly-drunk tailgate parties; UT vs Ohio was no exception.

I won’t go into the entire night, because who really knows? Here’s number 4 for the few of us:

Buddy is the tall drink-o-water in the middle. That guy who sleeps with ladies shoes is on the left, and the shortest girl I’ve ever seen is on the right.

So the game was fun as usual. Unfortunately the blind love for the Indians made us leave late in the 1st half.  Luckily we cashed a couple of these fellas:

Before we left. Call us pussies for drinking schnapps, but that shit is 100 proof. When it’s cold outside, it’s always been there for us. So, maybe the most eventful thing remembered was this asshat. He had one of the most memorable quotes I might have ever heard.

 Weird Dude: “Wait a minute, who do you like?”

Me: “uh…the Lions.”

Weird Dude:”Fuck the Lions, goooooooooo Indians!!!! Wooo!!”

Me: [speechless]

Anyways, the night ended with Buddy calling a couple of engineering students terrorists..that was sweet. All in all, tailgate parties, you will be missed. May you have brought us immeasurable joy and satisfaction.

We will always remember Halloween when everyone rallied behind Jesus, and told the security guards that they can’t throw the savior out (even though Joe was booted). We will always remember Tony bringing his parents RV, then nailing an asian chick inside while we drink outside. We will always remember pissing off people in BG, because we had a generator powered full PA system, blaring the UT fight song every 5 minutes. Of course, we will always remember the Tailgatapaloozas, may those days live on forever.