Comments on the NCAA Football Season So Far

OK, so maybe these are comments on play, or who I think is good, rather on the AP (and coaches for that matter) poll. The problem I have is with the volatility of the polls. Someone loses, and they drop 20 spots. For this reason we have teams in the top 25, or even 10 for that matter that don’t really belong.

Soon I will have a spreadsheet to explain my findings, but for now, here are some examples.

Boston College
After they beat Wake Forest in week 1, they move up to 26. They beat another unranked team in NC State, and move up another 5. They beat Georgia Tech, who is not as good as we thought, and move up another 7. Big win over Army gets them another two spots. The horrible week 5, they beat UMass (that’s right) and move up 5 spots to 7! They beat BGSU, and move up another 3 spots to 4?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?

Meanwhile a team like West Virginia is behind them, who’s only loss is to 5 ranked South Florida. You have USC behind them, Florida behind them.

Another team is Missouri who is knocking on the door to the top 10 sitting right now at 11. Now, I love Missouri, and have preaching honestly for two years that Chase Daniel is going to be a great quarterback (ask my friends). But they have not had many quality wins.

They start the season without a single vote, and move up to 27 after squeaking by Illinois in week 1 (are they for real?). Then they play Ole Miss, Western Michigan and Illinois State, not a single vote among them. Add a bye week in there, and they shoot up 10 ranks to 17. They then beat Nebraska, who should have lost to Ball State, and you have an 11th ranked team.

You then have the Big East Teams, I’m thinking Cincinnati in particular. I really do love what Mark Dantonio has done down there. I do like watching their defense play, as they are just like rabid wolves. However, until the Big East starts beating teams outside their own conference, I cannot respect any of them.

Wait, who said what about last year’s bowl games? Look at who they played to get that record. You’ll see..

All I’m trying to say is that settle down on the drastic change in your voting based on one game. Look at Florida. They dominated for 4 weeks. Then they lost to a Tommy Tuberville team which just seems to have their number. Then they lose to the consensus number 1 team in the nation by only 4 points. Now they sit at 13, with hopes of a BCS bowl game quite out of reach.

13 – Florida. 14 – Arizona State. That’s what you people voted for??? You sat their with your weekly ballot, and wrote Florida, then wrote Arizona State. You wrote down that you think Arizona State is almost just as good as Florida.

Arizona State is another one by the way. Fuck, I keep track of any team that gets at least one top 25 vote. Arizona State has not played a single team even thinking of breaking into the top 25, and you put them just behind Florida…the reigning national champs.

Fuck you AP. Fuck you, you’re ruining my season.

Told You He Was Over Rated

I speak of course of former Heisman hopeful, Andre Woodson. I’ve been saying all season that the games that I was able to watch, I was not impressed. It’s really a similar situation some years back when I watched Ben Roethlisberger. That dickface got so much hype, when it was his receivers putting up the big numbers.

Anyways, so after watching tonight’s Kentucky vs South Carolina game, I firmly stand by my position that he is one of the most overrated quarterbacks, if not players in the nation. It’s sad that an offensive scheme can be confused with talent. Let me just say that yes, the guy is decent. Above all I am astounded by his 300+ pass attempts w/o an interception. However, to say that he’s Heisman caliber is ludicrous.

The big time players will make big time plays in big time games, that’s all there is to it. Andre Woodson made some of the most boneheaded moves I’ve seen in a while, especially from a Heisman front-runner. Sure, the fumble at the beginning might not have been totally his fault, but it led to 7 points. Next was probably the biggest dumb ass decision of the game. You know, the interception he threw in the red zone. There are those unwritten rules in football. Things you really don’t try to do. One might be leaving your feet; your asking to get flipped upside down. Another is taking a kickoff 5+ yards deep into the end zone. For a quarterback, the first commandment is throwing back across your body to the middle of the field.

Sure, it might not have been the “middle” of the field, but with plays like that, either it’s there, or its not. When you start rolling to a side, the defense can follow you. What was once 7 defensive backs covering 50 yards of field is now 7 defensive backs covering 20-30 yards. Compound the fact that your in the red zone, so there’s no vertical space to throw the ball.

As a senior quarterback, in one of the biggest (unexpectedly certainly) games of the season so far, that is something that really hurt his team. Lastly was that stupid ass dump off pass that ended up a lateral, which got taken to the house.

So who are the Heisman picks then? Well, my first pick right now is Mike Hart. The Heisman is not for necessarily the best player in the nation, that’s supposedly the Maxwell award (although if the best player does get the Heisman they usually give it to something else, Brady Quinn…ass sniffer).  Not only is he an outstanding running back, but he is literally carrying his team right now. Two weeks ago against Penn State, I think he carried the ball like 44 times!! Last week against Northwestern, another 30 carries.

Who else? Well I love DMac, Darren McFadden, but the lack of a winning program this year is killing him. It’s like on Independence Day when they finally learn how to destroy those big ass ships. Last bowl season when Wisconsin beat Arkansas, in a huge upset by the way, they sent out the message to all the other teams on how to step the Wildcat offense (now Wildhog I think…maybe, who really cares).

DeSean Jackson perhaps? Fuck him, I hate his first name and anytime he’s in the highlights, its for kick returns. Sure he’s brought a couple back, but other than being a good receiver, he doesn’t bring a whole lot to the table.

Colt Brennan should be in the talks, simply because of his STUPID numbers. Through 5 games, he’s already put up 15 TDs. The number is more effective realizing that he didn’t play against Charleston Southern, a game that he probably could have put up another 7. So the question arises: does putting up huge numbers against cupcake teams warrant one to be considered for possibly the greatest individual award in the world? Not really, but considering he does play for Hawai’i (I think it’s posh to add the apostrophe now a days in that word) he should. Hawai’i is not a great team, so it’s not like he’s Boise State (now a perennial good team) playing teams like Louisiana Tech, Utah State, Idaho (seriously, Idaho??), and Wyoming. He is on a mediocre (I KNOW THEY ARE RANKED 16th, I WONT EVEN BEGIN TO TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING POLLS RIGHT NOW) team, who plays other mediocre teams. I really do wish he played for another team, so we could compare.

Pat White/Steve Slaton…well who to give it to? I really think the Heisman will come down to just those few people. A lot of people are having great seasons, but these are the players who are not only putting up great numbers, but are indispensable to their teams. And that, is what the Heisman is all about.

Oh yea, Andre Woodson isn’t deserving enough of it…just to be clear.

My Grandpa is So Much Sweeter Than Yours

As some of my lucky friends know, my grandfather gets sweet sports tickets for me all the time. Maybe he’s in the mob, maybe he’s not, no one really knows for sure. For example, during the NBA playoffs, I was at games during both the Bulls and Cavs series’. For the Bulls game, we were in Row BB. Hint: the palace numbering starts at AA. For the Cavs game, we were at halfcourt about 15 rows up. Not too shabby. So he tells me he has Lions vs Bears tickets, of course I can go. Here are the tickets.

Club level, that’s gotta be sweet right? The second sign of a good day is the fact that my tickets are like 6 times bigger than yours. Ha, eat it bitch. There’s also some parking there.

Oh, little note here. My grandpa just happened to get the tickets from new friend Charlie Sanders. The link is how he compares to the 6 OTHER HALL OF FAME TIGHT ENDS. Yea, our tickets are not only 6 times bigger than yours, but they come from a hall of famer.

So we drive to the game. Normally, I am stuck about 1/2-1 mile away paying $20-40 for parking. So, with Charlie Sanders parking pass, we just keep driving. We keep driving, eventually a police man has to stop pedestrian traffic to let us by. That’s right, we’re right by the fucking stadium.

So we get out, and get in line to get into the game. Katy has her ticket out when an event staff sees the ticket, which to our pleasure says:

Whoa, you guys have club seating. You don’t have to wait in line with the rest of the people. Come this way.

No joke, swear the guy said it. So, we get ushered personally into the stadium. We get to the Club level a little late, so we rush to our seats, to find….

Oh yes, I’m on the mother f’ing 48 yard line. My little sister Jessica, right on the 50, exactly. Don’t let the crappy cell phone camera fool you, this is the PERFECT seat. The seat is so good in fact that:

That my friend is FOX. Yes, the FOX broadcasters were just feet away. Holy shit these were good seats. Well how good are they you ask? Well, you can only buy these tickets through a season package. This is the MOST EXCLUSIVE section in all of Ford Field. One season ticket goes for $3,000…that’s for 8 games. That puts the price of a one game individual ticket at: $375

 

Damn it’s nice to know a hall of famer. Or at least know a guy who knows a hall of famer. On my way to take a piss I snapped this shot:

Anything to add a touch of class to Club level. OOO, that’s right. The condiment stands. You regular people have what, ketchup, mustard maybe some shitty onions and relish? Here’s us wealthy peoples’ condom stand:

Yea, note the various hot sauces they even provide. They know us rich people won’t take them.

 

Oh yea, there was also a game going on, which was pretty sweet too. The Lions looked like shit, as always, but somehow managed to score the most 4ff quarter points EVER.

 

Lastly, this is me chillin’ throwing up some duck lips, watching the normies below me.

 

McNabb Doesn’t Disappoint First Week on “The List”

Hopefully you read the story on the charter member of the Cockflavored shitlist. Long story short, Donovan McNabb tactfully slammed my idol, Brett Favre. Tact or not, he’s earned his place.

No more than two days later though, McNabb confirms his place at the top of the list. Sure, the list is only one name long, but he’d be up there if there were more. Ah, the race card. The Get-Out-of-Jail free card for real life minorities. McNabb says on HBO to Bryant Gumbel (who I guess is black also).

There’s not that many African-American quarterbacks, so we have to do a little bit extra. Because the percentage of us playing this position, which people didn’t want us to play … is low, so we do a little extra.

I pass for 300 yards, our team wins by seven, [mimicking] ‘Ah, he could’ve made this throw, they would have scored if he did this…

He then is asked whether or not the media is tougher on him, more than quartebacks like Carson Palmer and Peyton Manning.

But they don’t get criticized as much as we do. They don’t.

We…as much as we do. If by ‘we’, you mean shitty quarterbacks then, yea, turns out that shitty quarterbacks get slammed more than dominating players such as Carson and Peyton. Right now Donovan, you’ve lost 7 of your last 8 games. That puts you at a 2-14 season, the worst in the league.

So let me get this straight, you have the highest recent LOSING percentage among active quarterbacks, including anyone who has started for the Raiders or the Lions, and you’re confident that the reason criticize you is because you’re black.

We’re really sorry Donovan. We know that you were too busy out picking cotton under the watchful eye of Boss Hog when you should have been practicing. From now on, we’ll take into consideration that the color of your skin has a great deal of reason why you have sucked so damn hard over the last couple of seasons.

Oh yea, almost forgot, at least you got your buddy Shaun King. He completely agrees with you. Another fine example of a great quarterback that just got taken down by the man. What? You have no idea who Shaun King is?

I guess McNabb is aspiring to be like King, who has a ring by chance of being on team with one of the better defenses of all time; and then promptly falls into obscurity. Personal, I could wish for nothing else.

Donovan McNabb the charter member of the CockFlavored Shitlist

Donovan, you think you can come into my house, kick my dog, and take a box of ballpoints?!?!? Your ass must be crazy. There’s a few things you just don’t do in life. Don’t fuck another man’s wife (girlfriends are OK, although fiances are blurry). Don’t abandon your team, even in low times. Don’t kick a guys’ dog (as prefaced above). Don’t steal another man’s hard earned property. Lastly, don’t diss Brett Favre. The last one may be the most important to me, as I’m still trying to prove that Favre is my father.

Asked the biggest difference between himself and Favre, McNabb said:

“I guess interceptions. Some throws you just don’t make, some throws you do.”

Who the hell does he think he is? First of all, Favre hasn’t ever missed a game. Ever, not once in his illustrious career. McNabb, well he’s injured so much, they gave his locker to that big ass gay-bird they call a mascot. Maybe the difference you should have said, Donovan, was that your ring finger feels a little lighter than his.

We talking ’bout videotaping, not industrial espionage, not espionage, videotaping…

Holy shit NFL, what the fuck is up your ass. Bill Belichick is fined half a MILLION dollars for having someone videotape the defensive coordinator. Not only that, but the Pats are at least losing a draft pick, the first round if they make the playoffs, and both second and third if they don’t (ha, yea right).

Now the rule is clear:

“no video recording devices of any kind are permitted to be in use in the coaches’ booth, on the field, or in the locker room during the game.” That was re-emphasized in a memo sent Sept. 6 to NFL head coaches and general managers in which the league said: “Videotaping of any type, including but not limited to taping of an opponent’s offensive or defensive signals, is prohibited on the sidelines, in the coaches’ booth, in the locker room, or at any other locations accessible to club staff members during the game.”

New NFL Sheriff, Roger Goodell says of the infraction:

“This episode represents a calculated and deliberate attempt to avoid longstanding rules designed to encourage fair play and promote honest competition on the playing field,”

OK OK, what I don’t get is this. Anyone can look at the defensive coordinator. He’s not locked up in a room covered in aluminum foil. He’s just a guy waving his arms on the sidelines. Not that I’m pro-cheating, but what is stopping a guy from just watching him, and taking notes? Sure, you don’t get rewind, but take some decent notes, coupled with what play is ran, and there you go. I don’t see why the extra step of videotaping it makes it so fucking bad. Not only that, but the teams that the Pats have demolished (only because of this blatant cheating I’m sure) are so pissed of…like Eagles’ Reno Mahe:

“I think they should forfeit, man,” said Reno Mahe, whose Philadelphia Eagles lost the 2005 Super Bowl to the Patriots. “We won the Super Bowl. I think we should get it. I’m going to go trade my NFC championship ring for a Super Bowl ring.”

Stil sore Reno? Listen dude, maybe instead of spending some time bitching and moaning, you should work on being a decent player. Maybe then you won’t be wondering if you have a job come late August. Yea dude, you have a job now, thank the Green Bay Packers’ special teams for that. You see, Reno was cut by the Eagles before the start of this season, but then after horrible special team play (remember two different guys fumbled punts, the last one leading to the game-winning field goal).

I can’t believe I’m going to say this…*sigh*, look at Peyton Manning. The guy switches up his signals every week. Think the Pats are trying to steal his shit? Don’t think so, it won’t work, “Omaha, Cupcake, hut hut.” Seriously, quit blaming other people for your fuck-ups, take some god damned responsibility.

Mangini, I thought you were better than that.

It should be noted that although the author is a Lions fan, not a Patriot fan, he does love to watch Tom Brady run onto the field, hair a-flowin’ in the wind.

It’s like Deer Hunting…

OK, seriously, I didn’t want to go here. I of course speak of the Michael Vick saga. I’m not going to be pro-anything, but I will be very anti-stupidity. Why the fuck are people going around saying that dog fighting is like hunting deer? Anyone?

Stephon Marbury:

“I think it’s tough,” the New York Knicks guard told an Albany (N.Y.) TV station. “I think, you know, we don’t say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals. You know, from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It’s just behind closed doors.”

R.L White – NAACP Atlanta Chapter President

White says that he doesn’t understand the uproar over dogfighting, when hunting deer and other animals is perfectly acceptable

Then there’s the king of saying dumb shit, Terrell Owens:

“When I mentioned cultural thing, [it's] just like when people go out and they hunt deer,” he said. “They hunt deer and they cut their heads off and they go to mount them on the wall. And they are animals as well. I don’t see a big difference in the situation.

O, Clinon Portis

“I don’t know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it’s his property, it’s his dog,” Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis told WAVY-TV in Virginia. “If that’s what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business.”

When told that dog fighting is a felony, Portis replied, “It can’t be too bad of a crime.”

If it were all overpaid dumbasses with no skewed view of reality and the law, it would be one thing, but for the president of an organization like the NAACP to come out and say such a bonehead thing is ludicrous The problem is that people hunt animals for many reasons. The first reason is food. Turns out people eat deer, and unless your Chinese (I’m looking at you Tiger Woods and Hines Ward), you’re not eating dog. People go out, grab a couple of deer and it feeds their family through the winter.  Guess what people did to stay alive thousands of years ago?

Secondly, there is a rather large difference between hunting with a gun, and forcing a dogs head into a pool until it drowns.

Also, we forget that the state actually encourages hunting of game. Hunting keeps the ecosystem in check, and without it, deer would run out of food for themselves after they eat all of the trees. The deer will have to start working for a living in order to support their family. Knowing deer, they will work for cheap as shit. Then where will the mexicans go? I tell you where they go, they go to Canada (open border, Mexico is too long to go south). This pisses the French-Canadians off. They start stockpiling WMDs and bam, we have another war on our hands. Is this what you want NAACP?

Seriously though, just shut your mouths, I don’t pay $40 a game to hear you say, “felony?? Is that bad?”

The Heavy Chin Feeling Right Before You Throw Up

I was at the Michigan-Oregon game last Saturday. The title of the post says it all. Watching the game was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever done. I sat there next to 100,000 other people who all thought the same thing. We were embarrassed to be the people that other people seen on TV at the game. We were embarrassed at each other. I looked at the people around me and could only look down on disgust at these people who looked upon the Maize and Blue with hope; they too looked at me.

The problems with the Michigan team are plentiful. I won’t even start hating on Lloyd Carr either, there is enough of that around already. I will instead focus on the team. The offense looked better than the 7 points they put up. They consistently drove the ball, only to stumble when it counted. I remember at half time looking at the scoreboard, Michigan 7 – Oregon 32. That wasn’t the most striking thing though, also below the score was: Michigan ~200yds – Oregon ~300yds. I’m not sure of the exact numbers, but I do know that we were very close in the total offensive yard category. The problem was that we couldn’t finish when it counted.

Mike Hart looked solid again, just as he did for the other Heavy Chin moment a week prior. The main problem I thought with the offense was inconsistent play-calling. The offense would ride the legs of Mike Hart down the field. Finally, the Duck defense would stop him on first down, leaving a second and short. EVERYTIME, they pass on second and third down. Chad Henne’s inconsistency often led to an incomplete pass on second down, leaving a must-pass situation on third.

Why did the team abandon the run?

Defense…ya know that thing that wins championships. I don’t even fucking know where to start. The line couldn’t pressure Dennis Dixon who looked like he was playing a video game all day long. The linebackers couldn’t tackle a marginal running back, nor could they play zone coverage. The defensive backs might not even have been playing. The Michigan secondary might have been the worst coverage I have ever seen. Dixon threw for three touchdowns of 46, 61, and 85 yds. Are you serious?? You could see the secondary break down moments after the snap.

So what’s in store for the Wolverines? Well next week they take on the Fighting Irish. I think ABC might show the UT vs Kansas game instead. Two of the most storied programs in college football, are now the laughing stock of the AP. Both of these teams are winless, and have lost the edge at home. Ya know, I’m just not sure what else to say about this season. Between Michigan getting humiliated two weeks in a row, and the Rockets in national news for all the wrong reasons, I guess my tailgating this season will be less excitement and more a matter of drowning away my sorrows.